It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me
by MyMotionCityRomance
Summary: Justin Pierre fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

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It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

Interview With A Vampire And Shouting Regulars

I was sitting at The Coffee Barn, a small town coffee shop, reading eight books at a time, my morning passtime. My Dad never got how I could keep up with them all, but somehow I did.

The Coffee Barn is like Starbucks for Mahtomedi, Minnesota, except it wasn't next door to Coffee Barn, down the street from another Coffee Barn, or across the street from ANOTHER Coffee Barn. That's why I like this place, one of a kind, the way a lot of people described me.

"Lizzy! How are ya this morning?" Melanie, my best friend in the entire world, shouted from the entrance, making her way over to my table in the back of the place. The regulars were used to it; she did this every morning. But it did cause a stir in the newcomers, causing them to raise their heads from their newspapers, look at her angrily, and continue to read the headlines of another murder or a celebrity death.

"Same as always, Melanie. Shitty. You know I hate mornings." I stuck my tongue out and pointed to it. Childish I know, but that's the way I am. Childish.

"Whatcha reading?" she said, looking over the books that were spread out over the table. She picked one of them up, I'm pretty sure it was a romance novel. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all." I said, taking a sip of my coffee and continued to read my book.

"Heard there was some Frerard fan fic on Quizilla." Melanie said nonchalantly, like it was no big deal, but it absolutely was. She didn't care for it. I loved fan-fiction. It made fan girls', like myself, dreams come to reality, reading web page by web page of the intimate detail of the moments between the guy and girl (or boy, as in Frerard tales or band bromance). It makes me want to live it.

I opened up my Dell laptop, hey, you can only afford so much on a salary of a...oh, what was I again? I've changed jobs so many times, I hardly remember, half the reason I get fired in the first place. Luckily, I got Vista for free because I won some contest in a magazine for taking the best picture of a landscape. Oh that's what I was, a freelance photographer. The best part of the job is that I don't have to do a lot, and I just relax at some coffee shop, like now.

My hands moved quick across the small keyboard, opening a million tabs. I liked having everything on one page, to remind myself that I was busy.

"God, if you type that fast, your fingers will fall off. I know, my pointer fingers were sewn back on by a doctor at the ER." she joked, but with a serious face. Melanie was a writer, and she was damn good at it too.

"Oh, go steal a few ideas out of Harry Potter." I replied, my eyes staring mindlessly at the screen, taking in every detail of Frank's love for Gerard. She just rolled her eyes and some headphones in her ears, mouthing Japanese words, her dream to move to Tokyo.

I sighed, wishing I were Frank or Gerard right now. True love only existed in stories, never in reality. No guy would ever love me like Frank loved Gerard. Nobody would love me like Prince Charming loved Cinderella. It didn't exist, nobody had the potential, even I didn't think I have the potential.

But sometimes, funny things happen.

"AGH! God, why do they have such colorful layouts to their stories?!" I shouted by accident, turning away from the computer and rubbing my eyes. When I looked up, the majority of Coffee Barn to stare at me, for once again being disrupted by whatever they were doing.

"Same here. My eyes are fried from all the stuff I've read online." An unfamiliar voice said to the right of me, and as I turned toward him, it was a guy. I hadn't ever seen him before, and certainly never seen his HAIR before. It stuck up in all directions, like a brown Einstein-esque mop. With chocolate brown eyes hidden behind dark-rimmed glasses to match. He was wearing a black Metallica t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

"Huh, I've never seen you here before." I replied softly, and for some reason, I was staring at him. Why was I staring at him?

"I'm not rich enough for Starbucks, and I thought this place seemed kinda home-y since the first day I saw it. Like a home-away-from-home. Well, besides my apartment, so I guess this would be a home-away-from-home-besides-the-one-I-have-now. So, I decided to walk in. Pretty good so far." he said with a smile. His teeth were perfect white pearls. It isn't even possible how fricking white his teeth were.

"I'm Liz." I smiled back, holding my hand out. I didn't even know why I was smiling, I just was. Oh crap, afterthought. "Well, it's not my full name, but most people call me Liz." IDIOT! Make sure to hit yourself in the head after this.

"Justin." he replied, shaking my hand. Was it just me or could I feel Melanie's eyes burning a hole on the side of my head? I turned my head slightly, not losing eye-contact of Justin, just enough to use my peripheral vision and see. Yup, she was staring at me, and smirking as well, for reasons unknown.

Was I blushing? My face felt warmer than usual. Did I have a fever? Oh, did I have to die right NOW, God? I'm trying to meet some guy, possibly open some doors for you, and YOU want to kill me?

"You're blushing." he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"I am?" Yes, I'm not dying. But now I have to think of something to put an excuse over it. "Cold, you know. Always cold in Minnesota." I said a bit too quick for anyone to understand me, my shitty response for nervousness, taking another sip of my cappuccino. Oh crap, now I'm counting the tiles on the ceiling, nice. My other response to nervousness.

"Are you counting the tiles on the ceiling?" he said, chuckling, also looking at the ceiling. He thought it was funny. Thank God, I didn't want to freak some guy I just met out.

"Well, I've always liked the...erm, architecture of buildings, and actually the ceiling's one of the most important...uh, parts of the building. Stops everyone from being...rained on." I said, in an attempt to come up with a legitimate reason, but failing miserably. Taking another sip of my cappuccino, I tried to comprehend what I just said, but I couldn't even make it out. God, I suck.

"Huh. I do that sometimes as well, I guess I just never noticed all the architectural brilliance of the ceiling." he replied. I could tell he was holding back a laugh.

I looked down at my watch. 10:30, dammit. "Ah, crap. I gotta go, have to go give these pictures I took of the Alps to Snowboarding Magazine, and of course, I'm going to have to discuss them and all, which ones are good and which ones are not." I rambled, gathering my stuff, putting my laptop and my books in my bag that held everything important to me in it.

"What's your job?" he asked, with a look of curiosity.

"Oh, I'm a photographer." I turned to Melanie, while gathering my stuff. "Make sure to give me back that book when you're done with it. What is that, Pride and Prejudice?"

"Yeah." she said, stuffing a blueberry in her mouth, eyes still glued to the book.

"DON'T get blueberry crap all over that book, I got it signed by the author." I said, and counted the books in my bag. One, two, three, four, five, six...Seven, counting the one Melanie was reading...Where's the eighth? I scrambled around, looking for the book. It was underneath the table, but as I reached for it, Justin got to it first.

"Interview with a Vampire. I always told myself I'd read this, but I never did. Do you mind if I borrow this from you?" he said, looking over the book.

"Sure." I said, looking over the table to make sure I didn't leave anything.

"I guess I'll see you later, then?" Justin said, looking up at me as I walked towards the door.

I stopped and turned around. "Yeah. I'll be here tomorrow." I said, giving him a quick smile, as I hurried out the door. "Bye, Joe!" I yelled to the manager/owner of The Coffee Barn. He was in his early sixties, gray hair and large build. He gave me hope when I didn't have any myself, like a grandfather-type figure. Always a nice attitude, another reason I came here.

Hope they like your pictures, Liz. I know I do." I heard him shout behind me as I ran out the door.

I hope they do, Joe, because I might lose my apartment if they don't. I grabbed my IPod out of my pocket and switched it to "Cemetery Drive" by My Chemical Romance, and desperately searched for my silver Volvo XC90.


	2. Chapter 2

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It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

Best Friends Can Save The World

Elderly men in suits never mean fun. Ever.

Sitting at the end of this endless conference room table is one of the worst positions to be in. And with a million executives and shit. If you got any blander, you'd be in the Supreme Court. I'd rather be watching white paint dry. So many fricking words my brain was too drowsy to comprehend. Jesus Christ, could you just get to the point, you indecisive bastards??

You'd think these Snowboarding Magazine people would be really casual. Nope, just any other business I've ever been to. And to work there, I feel awful for the receptionist. I'm gonna kill someone if they don't get to the damn point they're trying to make.

"In conclusion, your photographs are very good, but they just aren't what we're looking for." the pudgy, balding man at the end of this wooden motherfucking table of doom.

I just nodded, walked out of there, not looking at anyone. I really didn't want to hear their opinions as they whispered them to their co-workers behind my back. Really, when exactly is it okay to heckle someone you don't even know? It didn't really bother me; my mission was to get to the car, I didn't want to think about anything else right now.

My Volvo was waiting for me, like a haven. God, I feel sad, dissapointed, upset, angry, hurtful. Like every emotion of the rainbow. I really need to work on the complexity of my life.

I heard "Simple" by Katy Perry blare from my pocket. Melanie, thank God. Ah damn, now I need to think of a way to mask my upsetness. And yes, I just said "upsetness". It's not an actual word, but it is to me.

"Hello, Melanie." I said softly into the phone.

"Hey Lizzy! You told me it'd be over around now, so I thought I'd call you. I was thinking that you might give me some ideas for my writer's block with this damn story. Agh, should I murder the bastard or let him suffer the feelings of being alone? Probably deserves it, the way he treated Satomi..." There she went, trailing off into her world of Japanese anime.

"I'm guessing this guy's a prick?" I joked.

"Well, he is on the surface, but if you really get to know him, he's really sweet. Cliche, I know, but I love it." she said. Melanie gets that deep into the mindset of her own characters. "But enough about my fan fiction, which I shall force you to read, how'd the thing go?"

"Well, they used a lot of big words like 'Constantinople' and 'Timbuktu'...." I said, referring to Dr. Seuss.

"Ah, my friend, you're an idiot. I'd use Japanese, but I know that you'd be too drowsy to sort of understand it. And I'm using 'sort of' loosely." Ah, everyone needs a smart-alec like Melanie as their best friend.

"Well, it'd be a whole lot easier to comprehend them if they spoke Japanese. These guys seemed like they were making up words as they went."

"I'm sure that's not the case. But did you get the job?"

"Well....no." Agh, I HATE letting people down. It makes me feel like the failure that I am. If only I was just some hermit, I wouldn't have to let anyone down, I could just be invisible. Like a superhero. Yet, I wouldn't be able to save anyone, because, of course, I'd probably fuck up and accidentally kill someone. Who's the superhero now?

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Lizzy." she said, and you could tell that she meant it. Never got how people could put such meaning in their words. Wish I'd gotten that from my dad. Nope, I'm just the impulsive bitch, with crappy vision, and an awful figure that I have to work on constantly. Without all the workouts I do, I'd look like a watermelon.

"Oh, it's fine. I'll find something else to do. This career sucked anyway." I said, trying my best to reassure her, but remember, no meaning with the words.

"No, it's not okay. You know what?" she said, and I could tell that she was contemplating something. "We're gonna have a girls night out. Just you and me, hitting the clubs."

"I couldn't ask you to do that, Melanie. You'd probably look bad standing next to a sucky loser like me, Miss-Award-Winning-Novelist."

"Hey, that's not set in stone, though the others are kinda 'eh'..."

"Of COURSE you're gonna win over them. Pfft, it's like Steven King over Stephenie Meyers, alright?"

"Awww, see, that's why we're gonna go out tonight. You're my best friend, and I don't want you upset. I can't have my number one fan be homeless without frequent nights on the town, now can I?"

"Alright, alright, I'll do it. When do you want to do this whole thing?" I asked, giving in. You can't argue with her. Martinis, man.

"Friday night. Eight. I'll pick you up, okay?" she said, and you could tell that she was very pleased with herself.

"Okay, see ya later."

"Bye!" Click. And I actually looked forward for the end of the week to come.


	3. Chapter 3

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It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

A Pleasantly Eventful Morning

Justin's Point of View

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

I rolled over and hit the alarm clock. Agh. What time was it, again? Brushing a lock of brunette hair out of my eyes, I leaned over to decipher the blurry red digits with sleep-clouded sight. Nine thirty. In the morning.

Remind me. What the hell was I doing up so early?

Sick relative? Not likely. I never really took the time to communicate with my relatives all that much.

Job interview? Nah. I already had a job. If you could classify "working" as a lead singer and a guitarist in a band a "job", then yeah. I wasn't one of those "real" professions; doctor or a lawyer, etcetera. But I was perfectly happy being a part of the greatest alternative rock group of all time: Motion City Soundtrack.

Why, ADHD, do you screw with my memory every morning, just enough to make me forget what the hell I'm supposed to be doing on this fine day? Then again, this could also quite easily be the fault of the lack of coffee churning in my system. Meh. But really, it would be a whole lot easier to start my day if I actually knew what the hell it was I needed to do that meant I was up so god damned early.

I heard faint knocking against the cheap wood of my front door. With each hollow, knuckle-bruising sound, I became a little less asleep until the rhythm became faster, louder, and more irregular. Like the person was getting impatient, which he or she most likely was.

There! That was what I was supposed to do today! I had to go take Josh, my best friend and our band's lead guitar, to the airport for some trip since his ride was... not available, apparently, for reasons he had yet to explain to me. Maybe it had something to do with his ex-girlfriend setting his stuff on fire...Why did that seem so familiar to me?

I rolled out of bed and threw on some pants over my plaid boxers and a black Metallica shirt over my chest, then stumbled, still half-asleep, to my door and opened it as I rubbed my eyes. Gee, how nice that the first face I saw this morning would be that of the infamous, semi-bald Josh.

Yawning, I began, "Hello, Josh. Here to ruin my agenda for the day, which includes me sleeping in until three in the afternoon?"

"Well," answered my friend, "what kind of friend would I be if I didn't go up several floors from my comfortable home just to serve as your personal alarm clock in the morning?"

Ah, good ol' Josh.

"If we're going anywhere, I'm gonna need some major caffeine. Coffee, preferably," I said, grabbing my keys off of a nearby table and attempting to straighten my jeans and shoehorn my torn up, once white Nikes on at the same time as I hopped out into the hallway. "You got the stuff for your trip thingy?"

"Yup." He pointed to his right, where now in my view were two large red suitcases stood, tagged and looking pretty as can be.

"Jeez," I commented, having a staring contest with the luggage, "that's more than you usually bring on tour." I joked. Each taking a bag, we walked to the elevator, then to the concrete steps outside and threw our loads unceremoniously into the roomy back of my tan Odyssey.

A while back, when my old piece of junk had gotten totaled beyond repair, I got a new piece of junk to drive around in. This pre-owned Odyssey. Ah, a cheap gashog perfect for lugging around multiple band members at a time. It's not the best car I've ever had, or ever wanted, but you do what you have to.

Josh turned up the radio to fifty and we proceeded to listen to Jawbox, Weezer, and Radiohead. There goes my wonderful, relaxing morning. Brought to you by Josh. He just laughed at the scowl that appeared on my face. "You suck." I said, giving him the finger. Damn you, Josh, for not caring.

"We can go to Starbucks," suggested Josh hopefully as we drove past several secluded, unknown breakfast restaurants. Rooster Joe's? Mother Goose's Nursery Lane? What the hell? Those sounded more like indoor playgrounds for small children than breakfast places.

"Eh," I replied, "I need some money for gas on the way back."

"Well, how about..." Josh looked around out the window at some of the cozy little buildings we passed before his gaze locked on something. "There?"

He pointed out the passenger window, and I attempted to look the same direction and continue on a straight path down the correct side of the black asphalt. The Coffee Barn, hmmm. Sounded good. "Coffee is what you wanted, is it not?" he continued. "Or are you going to change your mind like you always do?"

"Alright, we'll go to the Coffee Barn." Yet again, determined to be stubborn. I made the turn into the parking lot. "You better hope there's a spot," I warned Josh, but it fell on deaf ears since I found an empty space almost immediately. It was kind of empty, farther back than the rest of the restaurants.

We slammed the doors behind us and walked, trying to look cool, to the door and stepped inside.

I breathed in the atmosphere, the aroma of coffee beans, sugar, and even bacon and muffins. Sporting a tan-and-mocha theme, probably to reflect the cafe's main product, stained wood tables dotted the linoleum floors in front of a wide, glossy marble counter where a young girl stood taking to-go orders and waitresses pushed past to have business chats with cooks.

"I think I'm gonna like this place," I said to Josh. A nice aura surrounded the place, friendliness and laughter and light-heartedness. A safe haven from stress, maybe. Even the few patrons present at busy hour seemed lively and happy.

Like the short-haired brunette striding confidently across the room, waving happily with a bounce in her step and yelling with a silly lilt to her voice. Her hair fell a little past her chin, and she had happy brown eyes. A bit short and underdeveloped for a grown woman, at first I mistook her for someone younger than a chick about my own age. A bit skinny and bony for my taste, but with a slender figure. She wore an off-shoulder olive green top and jeans. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Josh eying her and resisted the urge to snort at him.

But who was she yelling to? I looked around and followed the path of her sneakers, and saw another woman. She was around my age, with a more normal size and a fuller figure which I found more attractive. Kind of tall, actually. Sitting at one of the tables for two, she, too, had brown hair except hers was a shade or two darker than her friend's, and fell almost to her shoulder blades in neat, crescent-like waves. She wore a solid black hoodie with the zipper undone to reveal a V-neck maroon tee and jeans, black high top converses completing her outfit.

From the way they shouted and seemed uncaring of what those around thought (then again, the other people were probably used to it) I assumed that these two were the liveliest of the bunch. I picked another table for two with a window view adjacent to theirs, which Josh did not object to, and sat down.

"Lizzy! How are ya this morning?" asked the short-haired brunette in the green shirt as she slowed to a stop in front of the other chair, pulling it out and sitting down. So the one in the hoodie was Lizzy. Somehow it sounded like more of a pet name.

"I'll be right back," Josh said quietly before he sat down. "Tell them I just want a black coffee." He rushed off to the bathroom.

"Whatever, man," I replied, though he was already gone. Then I went back to eavesdropping (though they were loud enough to hear easily) on the conversation next to me.

"Same as always, Melanie. Shitty," answered Lizzy. So the smaller one was Melanie. "You know I hate mornings." After this was stated, Lizzy stuck her pink tongue out and pointed to it, making a face. I chuckled accordingly, thinking it was nice to know that this oddity and I had something in common.

Interrupting my eavesdropping yet again, a waitress walked over to my table. Dark complexion, dark hair, pearly white smile. "Hi, I'm Martha, and I'll be your server this morning. Do you need some extra time to order?"

"Nope. Two black coffees, please."

"You sure you don't want anything else? Muffins are the chef's specialty," she advised. Did she want me to tip her extra for the recommending of muffins?

"No, I'm fine." Who knew how much gas would cost on the highway? She flashed those pearly whites and walked away.

So, hoping I didn't miss too much, I went back to eavesdro- I mean, casual listening.

"AGH!! God, why do they have such colorful layouts for their stories?!" cried Liz rather loudly. Other customers ignored her. I laughed, though, loudly enough to get her attention this time. Another thing we had in common.

"Same here," I began, casually intruding on their companionable silence. "My eyes are fried from all the stuff I read online." He smiles and....lands it!

"Huh, I've never seen you here before."

"I'm not rich enough for Starbucks," I replied, "and I thought this place seemed kinda home-y since the first day I saw it. Like a home-away-from-home. Well, besides my apartment, so I guess this would be a home-away-from-home-besides-the-one-I-have-now. So, I decided to walk in. Pretty good so far."

Hopefully my babble sounded as composed and calm as I wished it did.

"I'm Liz." She held out a hand, which I took and shook briefly. Then, "Well, it's not my full name, but most people call me Liz." Poor afterthought. You never had a chance in the slightly stuttery jumble of the statement that spewed out of her mouth, to put it gracefully, like upchuck.

"Justin," I replied.

Oh, this is gonna be fun.


	4. Chapter 4

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It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

Breaking The Streak

What was I doing? Here I am, talking to a total stranger. A pretty weird, but extraordinary stranger, I might add. What had happened to my morals? "Don't talk to strangers" was on top of the list....Or used to be on top of the list....

"You're blushing." I said plainly. Wait, why the hell did I say that? You'd think she'd know if she was blushing. Then again, she looked sort of relieved now.

"I am?" she asked. Point proven. And now, for the excuse...."Cold, you know. Always cold in Minnesota." It took me a second to unscramble all the words, with their poorly-formed sentence structure, but afterwards it sort of made sense. It kind of bothered me that she seemed to cover up everything she said. But if that was true, I would be a total hypocrite for everyone who knows me.

Was she actually staring at the ceiling? The same way I did when I was nervous? Or bored... Was I boring her? Was I making her nervous? Why was I letting all these strange, OCD-influenced thoughts wander into my brain? So many questions, not enough answers. And all for her. This was more confusing than Fallout 3.

"Are you counting the tiles on the ceiling?" I asked, and I chuckled at the look she gave me. I mean, it wasn't a bad thing, but she made it seem like it. If it really was a bad thing, I guess I would be pretty screwed up. Ha, when I looked back on it, I am pretty fucking screwed up. Oh well.

"Well, I've always like d the...erm, architecture of buildings, and actually the ceilings're the most important....uh, parts of the building. stops everyone from being....rained on." She said.

"Huh. I do that sometimes as well. I guess I never noticed the architectural brilliance of the ceiling." I replied, trying my best not to explode with laughter. Who would've known what her reaction would've been? With her, it seemed impossible. Impulsive, perhaps?

She looked down at her watch. "Ah, crap. I've gotta go, have to go give these pictures I took of the Alps to Snowboarding Magazine, and of course, I'm going to have to discuss them and all, which ones are good and which ones are not." She started to trail off as she gathered her things.

Then it hit me. What kind of job would someone like her have? By what she said, it ruled out a lot of cool jobs that I would've guessed might have been what she did. I hate that I was an incompetent idiot when it comes to solving puzzles. I don't think I'd ever finished a Sudoku puzzle in my entire life. After all, why would I want to wrack my brain over something involving numbers? Another thing that proved me incompetent.

And I know, "Aw, you're not an idiot, Justin. You just think a little differently then the rest of us." Yeah, well, sometimes being different sucks.

To just end the headache, I asked her. "What's your job?" You see, what seemed to be hours of indecisiveness and problem-solving down time was only fifteen seconds. And to think, all of that was created in fifteen seconds...

"Oh, I'm a photographer." She stated casually, looking up from her things. Goddammit! How fucking easy was that? Grr, I am totally going to hit myself in the head later.

Man, she was a reader. How did she keep track of all those books? I guess having that gigantic tan messenger bag must have helped. Was it weird that it reminded me of Mary Poppins' bottomless bag?

"Make sure you give me that back when you're done with it. What is that, Pride and Prejudice?" she turned back to her friend, Melanie.

"Yeah." Melanie replied through a blueberry muffin. Now I wanted a blueberry muffin. Thanks a lot, person I don't know. I walked back to my table in search of blueberry muffins, but I absentmindedly grabbed a book that was underneath Liz's table. Realizing that it must be hers, I looked at the cover.

"Interview With A Vampire. I always told myself I'd read this, but I never did. Do you mind if I borrow this from you?" I asked her, creating a plan off the top of my head.

"Sure." That wasn't good enough for me.

"I guess I'll see you later then?" There had to be some promise in finding more about her.

"Yeah. I'll be here tomorrow." She said, giving me a smile. I didn't want to say it, for I know exactly what would happen, but it felt like heaven. "Bye Joe!" she yelled behind her as she ran out the door.

And she was gone. My brief conversation with her was over. I wondered what she listened to... I knew some people, being me...

"Nice chick. Thought you said you'd never date again?" The infamous Josh appeared behind me.

"Jesus Christ, Josh, you need to quit doing that! And where were you, anyway, clogging the toilet?!" I asked-yelled, a bit too loudly. I was expecting him to yell back at me. Nope, he just stood there. Grr, what a calm freak.

"Phone call with my old, elderly grandmother I'm flying over to see. Most likely the last time I'll see her. She wanted to know if I was doing anything inappropriate or dangerous but I had to lie and say I was driving myself to the airport." He replied, bashing my words with his annoying smirk. "But back to my point. Who was that?"

"God, you never give me time to reminisce." I said, as we both sat down at our table. "Her name is Liz. She's...." I tried to think of a word to describe her. And for lack of a better word, "Interesting."

"When's the date happening?"

"There is no date, Josh. I just met her today," I said, a little irritated. "And we're just friends."

"You date 'Just Friends' and 'People You've Just Met' all the time. Or are you not Justin Pierre?" he asked, using air quotations around my words. I couldn't dispute him on that one. It was true. I was ultra-impulsive. Go ahead and tell me, I already knew.

"Well, I'm trying out never dating again. It kind of obvious that I'm a time-bomb when it comes to relationships."

"So is the rest of the population who are single." He effortlessly dismissed my negativity. Curse Josh, he never lets me be all negative.

Then, Melanie waltzed up to our table. I wasn't not sure what she was doing, since she never showed any interest. Could it be Josh? I could believe that, but who knew?

"You... Justin, right?" She pointed at me. There went my theory. Poor Josh. "Phone number, please." Though it was a question, the fake politeness was obvious and it was clearly a command.

"Um...listen, I don't really-"

"Not for me, baka!" Leaving me to wonder what 'baka' meant, she continued without missing a beat, "For my friend. It was pretty obvious that she likes you. I'm just the middle woman. So make with the phone number." After a moment, she added again, if exasperatedly, "Please?"

Ah, damn. I was never prepared for people spontaneously asking me for my number. As I searched my pockets, Josh and Melanie seemed to make friends. See, I wasn't the only ladies man around. Did I just call myself a ladies man?

After searching my pockets, Melanie rolled her eyes (trying to disguise it) and handed me a pen and a notepad out of her pocket.

I grabbed the pen and notepad gratefully and write my number down. "If someone calls you and you don't recognize the number, it's me. And I'd pick up if I were you... if you ever wanna hook up with my bestie." She giggled quietly, already plotting if I read her face correctly (and she was pretty transparent, so I thought I did).

"Okay..." She struck me as a bit dorky, up close and personal; she seemed shyer around strangers, or at least one-on-one since she seemed to have no problem yelling at the top of her lungs from across the room. As soon as she got my number, she walked to to her table, typing something up on her computer.

"I guess this breaks your streak."


	5. Chapter 5

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It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

To The Mall! Awaaaay!

Ah, nothing like wasting your friend's money on pointless crap to make yourself feel better. Even if I felt compelled to buy a pair of velcro shoes to match my lovely red dress, it wouldn't change my situation. But then again, I'm not known for my amazing planning skills.

"Oh my God. Who knew all those hoodies and various books would weigh this much?" I said. Because of my mooching capacity, I was allowed to buy stuff if I carried everything. Mooching Agreement of '02, you are a savior.

"Too bad you'll be carrying them all the way back to the Lambo." she said evilly. Melanie's a bitch when it comes to her sexy black Lamborghini. I can't wait 'till Melanie dies. I'm getting the Lambo, according to her will. Shhh, don't tell. I'm joking I would never be that much of a bitch. Or would I?

I finally sat down on a bench, somewhere in the outside complex of the mall. I looked up at the starry sky, wondering what could be out there. If God's up there, was he watching my life like a soap opera? Crying at the screen when it got to the heart-wrenching moments and laughing out loud when he realized how much of an idiot I was? Ha, that must happen a lot.

"You okay?" Melanie sat beside me. Lately, she's been a little more worried about me than she usually was. I mean, it probably was me losing some confidence in myself. At this whole job thing, I totally sucked. Or maybe the fact that I depend a little too much on people. And medication. And my stuff. I'm pretty much a parasite.

Now, of course, you're gonna say, "Wait, what? Medication, you say?" Yes, Ritalin keeps me straight. But no money means no psychiatrist and no prescriptions and no Ritalin. I try to deal every day, but that fact hanging over me makes me want to scream.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I replied after a long silence. "These bags are totally killing my back. I'm going to sue you after this, you know. Maybe I'll be able to pay the rent." I joked. Which reminds me, the rent. I was supposed to pay it today, wasn't I? Oh. Yeah. Shit.

"Hey Lizzy, look over there. That's a really nice restaurant." she said, pointing across the street/path/walk thing that you're not sure what the right name for it is, but you don't even care enough to actually wrack your brain around what the fuck it's actually called. (Wow, weird narration.) Anyway, across that thing, I saw one of the fanciest restaurants I've ever seen, but never really thought too much about it. It was one of those restaurants that you would like to have gone to, but then you remember, "Pfft, think of how much that costs!"

"Wow. That's pretty damn fancy." I replied, a little bit awestruck, but the little voice in my head reminding me not to spend too much of her money.

"You know, I know a guy there. Let's get a closer look. Come on, I've got the bags." She smiled. Something must be up, but I just obeyed and walked across the street thing. As I walked closer, it was kind of like a homeless person walking up to...well, this restaurant. It was organized and fancy, and when I tried to look through the window, I saw there was actually tables outside by a balcony!

I realized I was kind of smudging the glass on the front door, so I took a few steps back, to avoid getting a restraining order. "Guess what?" Mel asked.

"What?" I asked, trying to guess what she could be thinking about.

"You're going in!" she said, opening the doors and shoving me inside. What the hell is this? I turned back to the door and realized she locked me in.

"What is this?" I yelled from the door. "Is this supposed to be punishment for me mooching off you all these years?"

"No, and I don't really think this would be punishment. If I left you outside while I ate, that would be punishment. But this is going to be the best date of your life." Melanie replied. Date? What date? Was she setting me up with somebody?

"Wait, why are you doing this? Couldn't you enjoy yourself without me?" I said, as she started to walk away from the door.

"Because I have plenty of money to waste, and I decided that helping you is one of the things I'm going to waste it on." she said, heading in the direction of the parking lot.

"Hey! What did you mean by 'date'?" I yelled loud enough so she could hear me.

"All in good time, Lizzy, all in good time. Now I'm off to an InuYasha convention. Away I go!" she yelled back.

"Not the Lambo...." I said quietly. I decided to look around. Wait, why was no one there? All the waiters and waitresses seemed to smile at me when I looked in their direction. I walked up to one of them at the counter. "Hi...Umm, I'm-"

I started, but was cut off by the waiter.

"Liz Jackson? Your table's outside. Follow me." he said with a smile. Oh my God, that rich bitch. She actually rented the entire restaurant out for me. But what would she do that for? Who wants to eat dinner alone? I followed the waiter outside and saw a strangely familiar brownish mop of Einstein-esque hair looking out onto the horizon.

Oh. My. God.


	6. Chapter 6

****

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

I Like The Red Dress

My God, it really was Justin, the guy from the Coffee Barn. Did Melanie wanted for me to die of nervousness? Why I'm nervous, I'm not even fucking sure. But I'm nervous and that's all I need to let the shit hit the fan. But why was he staring at me?

What the fuck am I wearing, anyway? Turned out I'm wearing my favorite red dress and some red heels to match. My hair was pulled back in a ponytail, because it's impossible to drive slow in a Lambo. I honestly love this dress, but heels are such a pain. There rarely is a pair that actually fits me, anyway. Basically a sign from God saying "Liz, don't wear heels, alright? It's for your own good."

Do I actually have make-up on? Lipstick and eyeliner. I really only wear make-up for special occasions. The reason that I wore make-up today was because I thought Melanie was going to take me to some club to cheer me up. One night stand central.

"Hey." I said, my voice a little shaky. "Sorry, really wasn't expecting to see you here. Not that I don't want you here or anything, Melanie just seems to do things that I don't fully understand until later on."

"It's fine. I wasn't exactly...um, expecting you either. You see, your friend told me to give her my number, so I did. She called me a couple hours ago and told me to show up here." he explained. Goddamn Melanie. Sometimes I think that she likes to twist the plot, just to make everything just like her books. It benefits and counter-benefits, but in the end, it's even.

"Wow. Sorry, you look really nice." Justin said, giving me that perfect smile that I secretly adored. "Hope I don't look that bad, it's all kind of thrown together." He was wearing his solid black dark-rimmed glasses, his hair a little bit crazier than usual, hinting that he might've rushed over here with the windows open. He was wearing a red t-shirt over a long-sleeved white shirt, and a pair of black pants.

"It looks good." I replied, smiling back. We both sat down and looked at the menu. Fancy dinner menus were pretty much unknown territory for me. Mickey D's is as fancy as it gets, people. I glanced over at Justin, he was looking at it like it was in German. "You don't know any of the stuff on the menu, either?"

"Nope." he said. Smooth moves, Melanie.

"You want to get out of here? I heard there's a diner around here somewhere." I suggested. Maybe this'll break the ice.

"Sure." he said. You could tell that he was relieved to get out of this elegant hellhole. Nothing against fancy restaurants, they just aren't my thing. I stood up, walking over to the restroom, pointing towards it, so he'd follow me. He walked a few feet behind me to the seperate restrooms. I looked around for a window. Yes! I carefully stood in the closest sink to the window, trying to reach it. I finally got both hands onto the bottom of the window sill and pulled myself up. This will be the one time that gym class actually helped me.

I climb through and sit on it. I throw my heels down below. Who wants to fall in heels? When I look down, it's not exactly high up, but it's 7-10 feet. I hang on the window sill on the outside, looking for the window for the men's room. I reach over to the left of me with one arm, still holding onto the sill, and get a good grip on it, then got a grip with the other hand.

"Jesus Christ, this is hard!" I said, in an effort to pull myself up. "Justin, you better be in here...."

He turned around, he was staring at an "Employees Must Wash Hands" sign. It had a few water droplets on the laminated cover, where there were some signatures on the very official white paper. I wonder if he'd ever thought about how people would probably follow directions if it was more colorful. "So you can scale walls in heels?"

"Turns out I can. Now is there any way _you_ can get up this wall? I suggest standing in the sink." I replied. He stood in the sink, and I reached out my hands to pull him up. Wish I had a friend on the outside, this would've been a lot easier. He finally got up and sat on the window sill.

"This is officially the weirdest date I've ever had." Justin said, turning to me, giving me a smirk.

"Hope you'll stay for the ride." I replied back. "Ready?"

"Ready."

We both jumped down to the ground, feet first, and somehow didn't get a concussion."You alright? Break anything?" I asked, pulling the ponytail holder out of my hair. If he actually did break something, I'd have to carry him to the ER. Funny as hell to watch, but not exactly the best way to help someone who just broke something.

"I like your hair much better that way." he said. "You know, when it hangs down front?" He chuckled to himself, a private joke. I hope I'll find out soon enough. "Nothing broken, or at least that's what I think." I laughed, thinking of how strange this situation is. Grabbing my heels, I walked out to the front of the restaurant, hoping not to get caught by the staff. Knowing Melanie, she'd probably have staff surrounding the building, making sure I wouldn't leave. It was a habit of mine. Why do I tell her everything?

"Alright, now, see these two waiters outside of the entrance?" I pointed at them. They looked more like security guards than waiters. "They're probably making sure we don't leave. And thanks to my million-dollar friend, they know what we look like. So, we gotta watch out for them." I said, sounding like a general briefing an army. Unfortunately, my army was Justin and myself. Not the best team there ever was. "They're having a conversation, they won't notice us. Can you run?"

"Yeah." he replied, somewhat deep in thought.

"Ready? Let's go!" We both hit the ground running, nobody noticing us until about twenty seconds in, I heard behind me "It's them! Red alert!" Red alert? Ironic, isn't it? Melanie must have plenty of money to waste.

"Shit, they're coming after us." Justin said, breathing hard. He was running next to me. Bright lights that read out names of stores flashed by. "Goddammit, who gives security guards seighways?" Oh my God, really, Melanie? What is this, Mission Impossible?

"I think I know how to get rid of them." I said to him, looking at them on their seighways in the corner of my eye. "But we'll have to speed up." We started running double-time after that. I felt like I was gonna pass out, but there was a Ben & Jerry's that had an alleyway that was very hard to see when you were driving by, but when you actually walked up to the entrance, it's kind of obvious. We ran into the alley, breathing heavily. Thank God they drove by, I didn't think I'd be able to run any further.

"Want to go get some ice cream?" I said, after I caught my breath. I had enough for Ben and Jerry's, so I didn't really care.

"Sure." he replied, as we both walked inside. Did I drop my heels? Goddammit, those costed a lot of money. Whatever. I'm going to the poorhouse anyway. "You want to order first or shall I?" he asked me.

I walked up to the counter. There was one person at the register, one person in the back, making all the orders. "Hi. Can I get chocolate? Just the regular original, chocolate?" I asked, as the pimply teen hit in the prices.

"Rocky Road." he said.

"3.59." the teen answered. I was going to pay for it (I stashed my wallet in my bra), but Justin pulled some cash out before I could.

"Now I have to pay you back." I joked.

"No, it's fine. You're the one who planned this whole adventure out. I got it." Justin said, holding his hand up. I tried to argue, but he gave me a serious look that made me laugh. There is no way that Justin could ever be serious longer than thirty second.

I stood up on my tippy-toes to hug him, and then kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, Justin." I said, smiling like an idiot.

"No problem." he said, hugging me back. I could get used to this.

We grabbed our ice cream and sat down at a booth. We talked a little about things and other things. He's from Mahtomedi as well, one of the few people that never moved. It turns out that he was in a high school nearby mine. Small world. Justin recommended a band called Motion City Soundtrack when we were talking about music. The name sounded pretty interesting, so I mentally reminded myself to check them out when I got home. If the internet still worked....

"In the ramble about why you had to leave this morning, you said something about giving pictures to Snowboarding Magazine. How did it go?" Oh right, he didn't know. I forget how I don't really talk to people, so they don't know what's going on.

"They didn't like 'em." I saw the sadness in Justin's eyes when I said this. It made me want to cry. I hate making people sad. One of the reasons I don't get involved in things.

"I'm so sorry, Lizzy." he replied. Lizzy... no one calls me Lizzy but Melanie. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Nah. According to my bills and the urgent letter to pay the rent, I'm screwed. I'll have to move out within two weeks. I'm not exactly sure what's gonna happen after that. Maybe I'll live at The Coffee Barn." I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"If you want, you can move in with me. It's kind of messy, but there's a spare bedroom that I never use." he replied. I was kind of surprised by this. He was suggesting that I move in with him? "I'd hate to see you in the poorhouse." I adore that cute smile, goddammit.

"I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do, Justin." I replied, semi-hoping that he'd argue, semi-hoping that he wouldn't.

"To be fair, you could pay half, I could pay half. Is that fine with you, Miss I-Can-Scale-Walls-In-Heels?" he said.

"Alright, fine. But only for a little while."

"Only for a little while."


	7. Chapter 7

****

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

I Don't Really Mind That It's Starting To Get To Me

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

I stood straight up in my bed and turned the alarm off. I had a major headache, and I'm struggling to remember what happened last night. All of a sudden, the events came at me like bullets. "Holy crap." was all I could say about it. Was there any better phrase of words to describe it?

Was it all a dream? Did all of that actually happen? I'm struggling to believe myself. Okay, I met Liz, a very unique chick that I wanted to know more about. Then I gave her best friend my number, seems realistic enough. I drove Josh to the airport, while he repeatedly bugged me about getting to know this girl better. I was already thinking about her non-stop without him egging on my disturbed mind. On the way back, I kind of drifted off thinking about her, nearly getting myself into a car accident.

Ha, car accidents. Not fun. Damn you, Cambridge.

Explanations later.

All of that, I'm ninety percent sure happened. Then we enter fifty to seventy-five percent territory. I got a phone call with an unknown caller ID. Assuming it was Melanie, I picked it up. Luckily it was. She gave me an address and told me to be there in an hour.

The place was forty-five minutes away.

I had to somehow get my hair straight, find an outfit, put on some deodorant (even though my sweat smells like unicorns, fairies, and fine wine), and get my ass over to this resteraunt all in fifteen minutes. I gotta tell you, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Including quitting addictions.

But of course, my shitty Oddesy has to just fuck everything up. The windows would not go all the way up for some freaking reason. I didn't have time to fix it, so I had to let my hair look like I just came out of a hurricane and deal with it.

After rushing my ass over to this restaurant, I had to show these creepy waiter people my ID, because Melanie just happen to rent the entire restaurant. Whatever kind of job she has, I want to get involved. Because of my amazing taste, I chose to sit outside. It was cold as hell, thank God I had this long-sleeved shirt, that did not, by the way, have serious pit stains.

Then she walked in. I wasn't expecting it, but I mean, it was kind of inevitable. What, Melanie would show up? It was one of those things where you know, but then again you don't.

My God, she looked good. I didn't want to say it, for obvious relationship issues, but she really did. I honestly couldn't help staring. Damn, I loved that red dress. There's something about red dresses... turn-on, maybe? I don't know. She had light red lipstick on and some black eyeliner. But not too much, thank God. Nobody looks good with too much make-up on, trust me.

The whole fancy restaurant thing, big mistake. Somehow, she knew exactly what I was thinking. "You wanna get out of here? I heard there's a diner around here somewhere." In my mind I was thinking, _Yes! Get me out of this too-elegant hellhole! _But I didn't want to seem to eager. I managed a "Sure." Not too eager, not unhappy about it.

This is the part when I think back, it sounds really cool and yet totally insane. She actually climbed up to the window in the men's room in heels. I was secretly impressed, but I'm not exactly referred to as "subtle". With this hair? No.

So then I actually got up there. How the fuck I did, I don't even know. And we jumped off the window sill down tho the ground, with no injuries, except maybe a mind-blown and confused self. After that...we ran from waiters in seighways? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that happened, because I remember wanting to hurl when we stopped.

We ate ice cream and started talking about stuff. I recommended my band without telling her that it actually is my band. The question is: Will she kill me or not? Last time I tried doing that, they never called me back. Why, I'm not entirely sure, but Liz will probably just be fake-angry at me for not telling her.

Hold on, since when can I predict her actions? I only met her a day ago.

I remember feeling sorry for her not getting that job she was talking about. By the look on her face, she became sad when she saw that I was sad. Without even caring about her situation, she feels bad about me feeling bad. Like a dementor, I felt like I would never be happy again.

So I recommended her to move in with me.

And she said yes.

And now I realize how this is just adding gasoline to the mess that is this relationship I have with her.

Not that I don't _want_ her to move in, but I don't want her to move in. It's like there's a safe hanging over me, and I sort of want it to drop, because I can sue the guy who raising the safe, but I don't because I don't want to be injured.

I guess all I can do now is hope this will never end.

_"Hooray for the madness, we are better by design. Let's hope we never have to say goodbye, say goodbye..."_ was the only thing I could hear in my head. I don't know where it came from, it just came to me. No matter what television station I watched, no matter what I listened to, it couldn't get her voice out of my head.

And I kind of liked it that way.

I was watching _The Big Sleep _with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall on my laptop at The Coffee Barn this lovely morning, with _"The Future Freaks Me Out" _playing on a different web page over their voices. It turned out that Justin had a band.

And I loved all of their songs. _All of them._

I swear to God, I will buy _I Am The Movie _if I have to sell my car. I want to say "Chill, you lunatic. You just met the guy, like a day ago." But I don't.

After my hours of annoying and tiring waiting for Melanie to show up, she did. She was wearing an _InuYasha_ t-shirt with InuYasha's face on the center of it, a pair of jeans, and her Kirara hat that I got for her a while back as a birthday present. She was smiling for some reason, and she waved out the door as an SUV drove away. It contained our wayward friends Kristi and Rorie in similar anime gear.

I pulled out one earbud, and looked at her funny. "What the fuck was that?" I said when she sat down.

"What happens at the _InuYasha_ convention, stays at the _InuYasha_ convention... Damn, was that Miroku hawt." she said. I was kind of concerned, especially since her hair was pitch-black and bobbed, but I'm not the one to tell people what to do. I just gave her a funny look, and put the earbud in after making a comment on her creepy goth-girl hair. Melanie quickly held her hands up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You thought I was gonna let you off that easy? Come on, I didn't set up that date for nothing. I need some results!"

"What happens in _Ben & Jerry's_, stays at _Ben & Jerry's_." I replied, smirking back. I was trying to beat her at her own game, but then I realized. "Oh, right. You weren't there." There came a very confused look while I had to explain the entire story. There was many smirks and kind of furious looks during the whole thing. I'm assuming that she's upset that I foiled her plan, but happy that I got to know Justin better in a weird, dysfunctional way.

"So, he bought me ice cream, and we just talked." I said simply. But Melanie's more complex than that.

"What did you talk about?" she asked.

"Mel, I can't give you a transcript of the conversation, you freakazoid." I replied. "But if you want, the key points, fine. One, I found out Justin has a band. They're totally freaking awesome. Two, he calls me Lizzy. Three, out of generosity, he suggested I move in with him." That did it. Melanie lit up, I thought she was going to die of smiling too much. "Jesus Christ, don't give yourself a heart attack."

"But...oh my God, Lizzy! Don't you know what this means?!" Not at all, but she just went on. "He seriously likes you! Who would let you move in with them on the first date?"

"He did it out of generosity. He felt bad for me, so he told me to move in with him _only for a little while."_ I emphasized these words, because I was determined to prove that fairy tales don't exist. Even if they do have amazingly awesome hair.

"Well, did you...."

"He kissed me at the entrance of the apartment complex, but that is as far as it got. If it got any further, do you think I'd be here?" I watched as she connected the pieces together. I'm starting to think that Melanie has finally came into the perverted mind that I had so many years before her.

"When?"

"Two weeks, give or take. That's what the eviction notice says." I said, concentrating all my energy on learning these lyrics. After minutes of searching Youtube, I finally found a video that said _"Red Dress". _I smirked at myself. _Oh......makes sense now. _Slow to observe, goddamn me.

"You son of a bitch, quoting yourself!" I said at the screen, in fake anger. Melanie looking up from her book, giving me a 'What the Fuck' look. I took out one of the earbuds and handed it to her. There the "Oh..." look is.

_I like the red dress.....  
I like the red dress.....  
I like the red dress. _


	8. Chapter 8

****

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER

I was waiting for Justin to get over here, and I was fucking excited. Why? Do you think I know? He said he'd be over around 9:30, it's only 9:10. There were butterflies and grenades in my stomach. Exploding butterflies, I thought I was gonna throw up. It was like a six year old waiting in line for a Power Ranger movie. Wait, do they even make Power Ranger movies? Damn, that just fucked up my example.

Melanie is looking at me like I'm insane. She only came because she wanted to go to their practice thingy, and because Mel is so nosy, she had to go or she would murder me in my sleep. "God, do something constructive." she suggested, watching me, just in case I started seizing. "Email check maybe?"

"Yes, Mom." I said, getting out my computer as quick as I could. It felt like I needed to check my email or the computer would explode. Wow, I am really going insane, aren't I? Online bill, junk mail, junk mail. Oh my God, I got an email from Moon! Moon, otherwise known as Kristi, is my extremely hyper friend who sends me random shit that I always laugh at. She's Sailor Moon's stalker, which is why we call her Moon, duh.

**((Don't know why the fake email addresses aren't working, so you'll just have to deal with these.))**

**To: Liz Jackson  
From: "Moon"  
Subject: SIX FLAGS**

**WATCH THE VIDEO.**

The email was hyper-linked, so I clicked it and it led me to the old Six Flags commercial. There's that creepy old man, dancing his ass off. I decided to turn it up as loud as I possibly could, Melanie giving me weird looks. "What is this song called?!" I yelled frantically over the song. Damn that freaky old man, now I was dancing.

Melanie just laughed and started dancing with me. Neither of us can dance worth shit, but it was funny as hell. When the video ended, I clicked a link to the entire song. "This is officially my new favorite song!" I yelled over the music.

"Same here!" she yelled back. We kept replaying it and replaying it, so we knew the words by the time Justin got there. I could barely hear a knock on the door, so I went to check on it. "Justin, yay!" I yelled, and actually jumped in his arms. He actually caught me.

"What the hell is going on up here?" he said, laughing.

"Email from my best friend ever." I said as he dropped me, carefully, back to the ground. The song was restarting. "Do you recognize the song?" I asked, most people must have seen the commercial.

"Oh my God, this is the fucking Six Flags commercial." he said in realization. Melanie and I started dancing again, as Justin laughed. Hopefully not at us, 'cause I'd probably have to kick his ass. Nope, he started dancing too. He's pretty good, but he was sort of purposely sucking. Better than me, of course.

"What's next, the Hamster Dance?" he said, as the song ended. I quickly typed as fast as I fucking could and found it. I could see his smirk through the reflection on the screen.

"Why do you give her ideas, Justin?" Melanie asked.

"Because it's fun to see the reaction." Justin replied, dancing with me to the song. We are so insane.

"Alright you crazy teenagers, can we actually do what we were initially supposed to be doing?" Melanie said to us, closing the window as the song ended.

"Lots of big words, but okay." I said, trying my best to comprehend the complex-but-not-really-complex sentence. Damn me, now I have to think of what I want to keep and stuff. Obviously, I can't bring all of my shit with me. Justin's Odyssey, Mel's Lambo, and my Volvo could only hold so much shit.

We started throwing shit out the window about two hours in. What the fuck are they gonna do, sue me? It could've been anyone who happened to be evicted and just happened to be moving in with someone else. Ta-da, case closed. I feel bad for the Camri that was mutilated by the multiple statues I got from my grandmother when she died.

"I think this'll fit in our cars. Wait, will any of this fit in your Lambo, M?" I turned to Melanie. I'm assuming she was creating a complex math problem in her head on the mass of my massive box of my DVDs. Finally, she came to a conclusion.

"I don't really think my car's gonna help. Lambos don't really hold shit, one of the faults of sports cars. But I can drive Liz's Volvo, while she rides with you. Your car's gonna hold the most shit anyway, Liz won't take up that much room. Just shove her in the back somewhere, she'll be fine." Melanie replied, giving me a devious smile. Whaaaat?

"I'm fine with that if you are, Liz." Oh, God, now it's all down to me. Why do you leave me decisions??

"I don't know, Justin. Those dancing skills weren't exactly promising." I said, trying to look serious, but failing with my inevitable smile. "I'm joking, you can dance better than I can."

"Whew! You gave me a scare! I thought I was going to have to go on _'So You Think You Can Dance'_ to prove myself." he smirked back. We got all my shit out of the apartment and somehow fit all of it in two cars. TWO. That's a record. I got into Justin's car and plugged in my iPod into the radio, using those weird radio charger/converter things.

"Let's see...aha, Shuffle." I said, hitting play. First that came up was _"Bounce"_ by Systems of a Down. Systems of a Down are pretty much random all the fucking way around. I sang along with the senseless lyrics. _"'I went out on a date with a girl, a bit late. She had so many friends... I brought my pogo stick just to show her a trick. She had so many friends....'"  
_  
"Weeeeird....." was all Justin had to say about it. And that's all I really expected.

Yay, next song. It was one of my new favorites, _"Metro" _by The Vincent Black Shadow. She sings really quick, but I somehow say it fast enough. _"'He said I'm crazy, I know he said I'm crazy, but all I can say is-'"_

_"'That the drugs don't work no more.'" _Justin finished. I was surprised he knew it too. Usually people don't know what the fuck is coming out of my mouth and going into my ears. Next, oh wow, _"Stronger" _by Britney Spears. Is it awful to say that we both know the song?

_"'Cause now I'm stronger than yesterday. Now there's nothing but-a my way. Loneliness ain't killing me no more.'" _we sang. He was officially the first guy I've met that actually memorized _Oops, I Did It Again_. Haha, _"The Future Freaks Me Out"_, Mel's new favorite song, was next.

"I'm on your fucking iPod?" Justin said, laughing. "You actually bought the CD. I have to go to the grocery store, once I get stuff straight at the apartment. Everyone who buys an album gets a free cookie. I think it's a good business plan."

"Yay cookies!" I replied.

"'I'm on fire, and now I think I'm ready to bust a move. Check it out, I'm rockin' steady to the beat in my head that goes 'oh, oh, oh, oh.' I know that she's the only one. I'd rather waste our time together, yeah, 'cause we can get down.'" Officially the best song of all time, officially.

I don't remember what came after that, nor the one after that. All I really remember is singing songs and not caring what day it was. Really, what day is it?

"Today is the best day ever." I dare you to try better.


	9. Chapter 9

****

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

Moving On In...

Damn, that was a fun car ride. I don't think I've almost gotten into a car accident absentmindedly that many times before. Luckily, Liz didn't notice. If she did, she'd probably jump out of the car. No she wouldn't, she'd laugh. That's the kind of Liz I can believe in. Hey, career option. Liz as president? I'd totally vote for her. She'd fix the world with random decisions. But then again, that might be counter-effective. Counter-effective, what the hell, is that even a word?

"Goddamn you, Justin. You drive too fucking fast for anyone to follow you." Melanie said when I rolled down the window.

"Well, I'm better than Edward Cullen at driving. You shall learn that when you let me borrow your Lambo." I replied smoothly.

Liz laughed. "Justin, she doesn't let _me_ drive it. And I'm one of her most important friends at the moment. She's a fucking mother bear when it comes to that thing. She and only she drives it." Liz explained. I'm totally changing that law. Lambos were meant to be enjoyed by everyone, or at least that's what I think.

We started bringing this shit back up to my messy apartment. "God, is this always how it is?" Melanie asked.

"It looks fine to me." Liz said, looking around. "I've had worse apartments. This is pretty much normal for me." I was mentally semi-rejoicing in my head. I didn't want her to hate where she was going to have to stay for a few weeks, hopefully.

_Hey Justin, do you remember the safe hanging above your head? Might want to keep that in mind._ Damn my mind.

"This is the spare bedroom. I cleared it out beforehand so we wouldn't have to later." Mostly because I didn't want you to think I was lazy, like I really am, but you'll figure it out soon enough. "Thank God you brought a mattress. I would've had to make a mesh mattress out of pillowcases and newspaper." I chuckled because that really was the plan. Unless she wanted to sleep with me.....

No, no, no, no. I am not letting me throw this down the drain. For right now, we're friends. Sort of.

_But what if we weren't?_

The indecisive mental argument with myself went back in forth as we assorted her miscellanea around the apartment. It was pretty easy because she didn't really want to put flowery shit all around the house, as my previous ex-girlfriend(s) have done. She didn't really do anything drastic the apartment. It seemed the same except totally different.

After that charade, we chilled on the couch and watched some, wait for it, cable! Yeah, I actually payed the bills this month. I'm so proud of me. And we actually ate, wait for it, some PB&J's. "When do we have to be at wherever we're supposed to be?" Liz asked, as she scarfed down her PB&J. Damn, she should be in the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest.

"Well, actually, we're sort of already here." I said, after swallowing half of my sandwich so I could answer her question. "I told the guys to be over here at.....two. And right now, it's....1:55. So they should be here any minute now."

Knockity-knock-knock. I got up to open the door, and yay, it's the guys. Josh, Jesse, Matt, and finally Tony walked inside. Josh was giving me a smirk like he knew it all, which he did. He predicted all of this would happen, subconsciously, of course, and all I could do was give him the "Okay, You're Psychic, I'm Not" look.

"Well, these are the guys. You already know Josh, so we don't really need to introduce him. The one carrying the moog is Jesse, Tony is in the back with the brown hair, and Matt is the one with jet-black hair. Guys, Liz is the one with the long brown hair and the blue with white spots hoodie. Melanie is the one with short hair and the 'Anime Is Not Dead' t-shirt." I said, pointing out who everyone is. Is it just my imagination or are Matt and Mel having a staring contest?

"Okay, I can totally remember names. Okay, moog dude is Jesse, Tony's the quiet one in the back, and Matt is the one who's staring at Melanie." Liz said, pointing at all of them. Matt quickly looked everywhere but at Melanie. I fucking knew it wasn't my imagination. "And Josh is the one with the glasses who's your best friend."

"Nice job. And who am I?" I asked her.

"You're Justin, the one with the crazy hair, absentmindedly looking over the DVD _'High Fidelity'_." Liz smiled.

"You win. Now I have to think of a prize...." I said, thinking over stuff. No cash, she's already getting a cookie, she's already living here, aha! "Guys, huddle." I could see the weird look she gave me out of the corner of my eye. "Alright, you know that new song we have, erm_ 'Better Open The Door'_?" They nodded. "We're playing that."

"Because you remembered our names, my name specifically, we're doing a new song that has never been heard by anyone. Do you want to hear it?" Josh said, as I helped set up the stuff.

"I don't know, we came here, didn't we?" Melanie said sarcastically.

"Must you be such a bitch, Mel?" Liz joked. "I'm kidding, I love you. Sure, go for it." she said, smiling.

_You better open the door before I take a hammer to the walls around it.  
I cannot let you inside my cell for fear I'll sink the ship and drag us both down._

Our hell ends every weekend  
But it's all I have to believe in.  
[x2]

Matt makes his murderous demand: foreign films.  
I take a stand and it's all uphill from here (at least I hope so).  
Kate claims she can't depend on me for anything and I agree  
It's crystal clear.  
I reach for the bottle and disappear.

Our hell ends every weekend  
But it's all I have to believe in.  
[x2]

Frank fails to see the humor in my sad attempts at breakdancing  
in every bar along Lyndale Avenue.  
Liz likes to liquor up my thoughts from the C.C. Club to the Triple Rock  
There's no escape from the chorus of people screaming:

You better open the door before I take a hammer to the walls around it.  
I cannot let you inside my cell for fear I'll sink the ship and drag us both down.

Our hell ends every weekend  
But it's all I have to believe in.  
Our hell ends every weekend  
But it's all I have to believe in.  
I'll swim backwards [x6]  
I'll swim alone the long goodbye.

You better open the door before I take a hammer to the walls around it.  
I cannot let you inside my cell for fear I'll sink the ship and drag us both down.

I hope she didn't understand it, but then I sort of do. Goddamn Kate, I don't even know why I even through you into my song. She's harassing me, damn ex-girlfriend, and it's really fucking annoying. Fighting with me, calling me a fucking asshole. And then the next day showing up at my doorstep, sending me apologetic text messages. I have told her time and time again to leave me alone. I don't even know why I started dating her in the first place. We're polar opposites. Grrr, now I'm agitated.

Frank is a codename for Josh, I just felt like being encrypted. Lizzy cheered, and I lit up. There goes my agitation. Damn me. "Did you like it?" I asked her, even though I already knew the answer.

"It was awesome." she said, and I tried my best to hide my happiness. I know she likes my songs, why am I so happy to be reassured of the fact? We played a few more songs for her, I mean, them. I was watching her every reaction. Happiness during _Perfect Teeth_, slight depression during _"My Favorite Accident", _her devious smile during Red Dress, and I could hear her softly sing along to _Shiver. _

_I can't believe we got that right (Ooh ooh ooh)  
I can't believe we got that right (Ooh ooh ooh)  
Just as the radio goes on and on and on  
Yeah I can't believe we got that right_

"Yay practice! Who wants a combination of things that inhabit my refrigerator?" I said, as Liz and Matt's hand shot up. "Majority rules, anyone feel like helping?"

"I will. I'm pretty sure I'm an alright cook. Melanie hasn't died from my food, now have you, Mel?" Liz said, as Melanie shook her head, chuckling a little.

"Well, you're going to have to help me. My knowledge is limited to microwaves." I said, flashing her a smile. The kitchen, the best way to describe it is where everything piles up and forms a big envelope volcano. Today, it wasn't as bad, because I decided to be the responsible adult and take care of it all.

Within ten to fifteen minutes of looking over my leftover shit, she got stuff started to cook stuff. She didn't have any cookbooks, all those weird ingredients from the store, nothing. I was kind of surprised, and hoped she'd tell me how to do this later on. She won't be here forever, I always had to remind myself. Might as well learn something along the way.

"This is the best chicken ever, oh my God!" I yelled as I took a bite out of it. "What did you do with my old Chick-Fil-A sandwiches?" I had to ask.

She shrugged. "My aunt can cook very well and she was great at making stuff from leftovers. After all the summers I spent with her in middle school, it actually sank in my brain." Liz walked outside. "Does anyone else want an altered Chick-Fil-A sandwich?" The guys walked in and grabbed a sandwich.

Matt: "HOLY JESUS!"  
Tony: "What is this? Oh my God, this tastes- oh my God."  
Josh: "This is...this is fucking amazing, oh my god."  
Jesse: "Holy shit! What the hell is this?"  
Matt (to chicken): "WHAT ARE YOU? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?"  
Tony: "This is way better than Slim Jims."

"Turns out you're an amazing cook, Lizzy." I said, making her blush.

"It's not that amazing. I just threw some stuff together..." she said, looking down. It's so fun embarrassing her. "How come you never said anything about my cooking before, Mel?"

Haha, spotlight on Melanie. "Erm....because, erm, I don't really....eat your food, so I couldn't really have a great opinion on your food." She said sheepishly. Liz quickly got over her betrayal, though, so it was all good.

"You're the official cook around here for now on." I said, throwing away the plastic plates that we were using.

They stayed for a while, Melanie and Liz getting to know all of us. Matt was pretty much talking Melanie up the entire time. And I thought Josh was into Melanie. Jesus Christ. Liz was pretty much normal, showing off her strange personality, as always. I silently hoped they liked her. I'm pretty interdependent on my band, sometimes helpful, sometimes not. They're like my Grace.

"I gotta go. Horror movie marathon, can't miss it." Matt said, grabbing his bass.

"Oh, shit. I left my car at Liz's old apartment." Melanie said, just realizing the fact. Or maybe not....

"I can drive you over there, if you want." Matt suggested.

Melanie smiled. "Sure." Ohhhhh shit.

"I gotta go, too, JP. See you later. Nice meeting you, Liz." Josh said on the way out. "You know exactly what you're getting yourself into." he whispered to me before he left.

"Dude! Chris is probably wondering where we are right now. Remember?" Jesse said to Tony.

"Oh, shit. Totally forgot. We better go." Tony said. Wait, who the hell is Chris? And what would this Chris need from them? They grabbed their stuff and walked outside.

"Guys, guys, who the hell is Chris?" I asked. They just smiled and gave me a two thumbs up, or I guess that would be four. Oh my God, those sons of bitches. I closed the door behind me. Say something, I begged myself. But nothing came out.

Thank God for Liz. "Umm, it's getting late. It's like 11:45. I'm gonna go...put some pajamas on." she said, pointing to the spare bedroom. Oh yeah, it's her bedroom now. Right. Damn. What do I say now?

"Oh, yeah. I guess I should put something on." I stumbled over my words, but I didn't want to seem like a hypocrite, so I put on some pajama pants and waited for her to come out. Which just reminded me of something. I knocked on the door. "Lizzy, sometimes it's really cold in there. If you need any blankets, there's some in the closet. It's right across from the bathroom." _Or you could use me..._

"Okay, Justin. I'm kind of tired, so I'll see you in the morning." Liz said through the door.

"Alright, Liz. Goodnight." I said, struggling not to scream at myself. Damn, why do I always fuck up stuff?

"Night."  
-----

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" I fell out of my bed. I jumped up and grabbed a baseball bat. "Lizzy, tell me that you're alright." I said, when I was opening the door. She was standing on her bed, looking at the floor. I turned on the light, and saw the biggest motherfucking rat I've ever seen.

"Holy shit." I said, slowly slinking over towards Lizzy. "Liz, I'm going to carry you over to the living room. Hopefuly this mutant of a rat won't follow me." She nodded and got on me, piggy back style. I'm not a fan of rats, I mean, who is? But Liz was like freaking out. I slowly slinked back over to the door, and slammed it.

"Three things I hate. Rats, cobra snakes, and zombies." Liz said, as I carefully dropped her on the couch. I sat down beside her. She was wearing a blue cami and matching dark blue pajama pants with stripes that were just a little darker than the backround color.

"I hate the ocean, theme parks, airplanes, talking with strangers, and.....waiting in line." I said, forming lyrics, my irrational pasttime during conversations.

"You look different without your glasses." Liz said, brushing some hair out of my eyes. "Not that you look bad, it's just it's kind of your signature look. You look more lovable with your glasses, that's all."

"'Lovable'? What am I, a Care Bear?" I laughed.

"No, it looks like you're missing something. But it's fine!" she said, messing with my hair.

"I'll get one of those mouse trap things tomorrow." I said. "Wanna watch some TV?"

"I wonder what's on TV at....3:07 in the morning..."


	10. Chapter 10

****

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

"YOUR MOM!"

_Thump, Thump. Thump, Thump._

I woke up to Justin's heartbeat, pounding against his chest, which I happened to have fall asleep on. Jesus Christ, hopefully I didn't do anything. I wouldn't have been still in the same pajamas as last night, if so. Ha, and you thought something actually happened.

His arms were holding me loosely around my back. I certainly don't remember that when I fell asleep, but I can't say I hate it. Then again, it was 3:20 or so when I actually _did_ fall asleep, struggling to find something good enough to watch.

Justin stirred. I pretended I was still asleep, half because it was rather comfy lying there, half because I wanted to see what he'd do. He actually stayed still when he realized I was "asleep". Awww, that's nice of him. Someone-sleeping-on-you courtesy.

I finally decided to "wake up". I yawned, sort of stretching out. "Good morning." I said, my voice a little bit off.

"Good morning." he said. It took him a second, but he sort of realized where he was. "Oh, wow. Sorry." he let go of me, making me sort of sad, when I know I shouldn't be. _We're only friends, we're only friends, we're only friends..._ It was like a mantra, like if I stopped saying it in my head, it wouldn't be true anymore.

I chuckled. "This probably looks a lot like something else."

"So we...."

"According to my memory, no. If we did, it'd look a lot more like something else." I explained. I'd think I'd know if I did Justin, but maybe that's just me. I got off of him, trying my best not to hurt him or anything. "I'm gonna make some breakfast. Scrambled eggs fine with you?"

"Sure." Justin said, pushing up his imaginary glasses. Enforced habit, I guess. He started counting his fingers, looking around the room in a bout of paranoia, but I just left him alone.

I searched Justin's refrigerator for some eggs, opening and discovering compartments I didn't know existed. After about ten or so minutes of this, there were actually some on the side compartment. _Nice analyzing skills, Liz. _Shut up, self conscience.

There was a lot of CD's Justin left on the counter, most of them blank with different names on it in messy handwriting. "Hey, Justin, do you have like a boombox or something?" I shouted from the kitchen where I heard a loud thump.

"Don't scare me like that. Ow, you injured my feelings. But I think there might be one..." he said, walking into the kitchen. "In the closet." Justin walked through the doorway and after all that noise, nearly murdered by the many falling objects that I heard hit the floor and Justin swearing his ass off, finally came back with a boombox.

"Jesus, you alright?" I said, getting a better look at him, still working on those goddamn eggs.

"I'm Justin. Just-in. Try not to mix us up."

I laughed. "I think I've got the name down, Boombox Generation." I said, poking him.

"Aghhhh! Why do you insist on hurting me today?" he said, poking me. And so the ultimate poke war began, which then escalated into a slap fight, and then somehow turned into Justin chasing me around the cluttered apartment. I still don't know how we got from point A to point B.

"THIS IS WAAAAARR!" he shouted as he picked me up from behind. Damn his carrying skills.

"IT'S NOT OVER YET!" I yelled back, as I tried to loosen his grip, but also trying my best not to die of laughter.

"OH YEAH?"

"YEAH!" Then I came up with the stupidest/best comeback ever. "HEY GUESS WHAT PIERRE?"

"WHAT?"

"YOUR MOM." That was it, man. Even though it didn't make sense, we were lying on the floor, laughing our asses off. "It doesn't even make sense...."

"But that's the funny part." Justin said, still laughing. We're so immature.

"It's amazing how comfy the kitchen floor is." I said after the laughter died over.

"It's amazing how many times I've been in this position." Justin replied, giving me a sly smile.

"Alright, Pierre. Get your ass off the floor so I can make you breakfast. Put some fucking clothes on." I said, standing up.

"These better be some goddamn good eggs for me to actually get up off the ground and put something on." Justin joked, and walked to his room.

And so began the rest of the morning, listening to Beastie Boys and 80's-90's songs until we fell asleep and did it all over again the next day.

_Hooray for the madness, we are better by design. Let's hope we never have to, say goodbye, say goodbye. _


	11. Chapter 11

********

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

Three Cheers For Crazy Awesome Song Writing

"Happy Moving In Two Weeks Ago Anniversary!" I yelled, handing him a glass of Chardonnay, one of my favorite alcoholic beverages. Over the few weeks I've been here, I've learned a few things. One, Justin likes alcohol. Two, we are the most random/disorganized people on the planet Earth. Three, Justin will eat whatever is available. Favorite breakfast choice: PopTarts and Captain Crunch. Crunchatize me, Cap'n!

"Cheers." Justin replied, banging our shot glasses together and downing the drink as quickly as possible. "Alright, I've gotta tell you something. Sort of excited about it. "

"I've got something else I'd like to say as well after you're done." I don't know what his reaction will be to what I've got to say, but I think it's only fair.

"We're going on tour in a few weeks, finally, and I was wondering if you'd want to come hang out with five guys in a crowded bus for a few months or so. It sounds like the chance of a lifetime, right?" he chuckled. Yeah, _that_ sounds fun.

"But I thought how much I would miss your sandwiches on the short bus. So, I thought I'd invite you. And Melanie, since there's something going on with Matt and her." It's pretty obvious that Mel and Matt are totally into each other. Melanie tags along with Justin and I, in what I think to be hopes of seeing Matt.

But wouldn't that make me a hypocrite?

Yeah, it would. But because I'm playing the "I'm Ignoring My Feelings" game, I can't admit that to myself. Because I don't like Justin, we're just friends. Or at least, that's what I'm trying to make it out to be. Isn't this fun? Ha, I'm a twisted schizophrenic, aren't I?

"So all you like me for is my sandwiches? I am hurt. _Offended_, even. My feelings are shattered, shattered!" I turned away, and crossed my arms, fake-pouting. One of my favorite pastimes. I'd try my best not to laugh, and he'd apologize and he'd say something that'd make me laugh or tickle me to death until I couldn't keep a straight face.

"Awww....I'm sorry, Lizzy. Will you forgive me?" Justin said, wrapping his arms around me, giving me that amazingly cute puppy dog face that I couldn't resist smiling at.

"Okay, Justin, but only if you write me a song out of thin air." I joked, giving him a serious look.

"Alright, fine. Give me a second, where the fuck did I put that damn guitar?" he said, looking around the living room. It was leaning against yet another box of shit that he still hadn't opened since he moved in here in 1995, when he quit college.

The weird thing was that the more he told me, the less it seemed he wanted to say about it. I could understand if he was embarrassed, but he shouldn't be. I didn't even do college; there wasn't anything really specific in my mind of what I wanted to do. So, I just waited for it to come to me, and I'm sort of still waiting, I guess. Whatever.

"Alright, if the song sucks, blame it on yourself because you didn't give me any spare time." he said, giving me a smirk, as he started playing a continuous note.

_"'Let's get fucked up and die...I'm speaking figuratively, of course. Like the last time that I committed suicide...social suicide..'"_ he said, giving me a reassuring smile.

_Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,  
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,  
I have learned to love the lie._

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.  
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah  
Let me in, let me in to the club, 'cause I wanna belong,  
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,  
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

(In this department)  
Let's get fucked up and die..  
I'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie,  
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,  
I'm about to explode.  
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.  
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and shortcomings,  
'Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds..  
And all the things that don't get old...  
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.  
It's the only way I have learned to express myself  
through other peoples' descriptions of life...  
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless...

(In this department)  
Let's get fucked up and die.  
For the last time with feeling,  
We'll try not to smile  
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights  
That still shock and surprise.

He stopped, trying to think of more, but because I'm just the nicest person around, I came up with something to fill the gap.

_"'I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end. But I choose to abuse for the time being, maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.'"_ I said, falling into the couch beside him. He laughed, and went on.

_Sister soldier,  
You've been such a positive influence on my mental frame  
If I could ever repay you,  
I would, but I'm hard up for cash  
And my memory lacks initiative._

Goddamn, the liquor store's closed,  
We were so close to scoring  
(Me: It hurts, it destroys 'till it kills...)  
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.

_"'In this department.'" _we sang together, and he stopped. "You know, you can sing pretty good. Maybe we could make a band, and screw the rest of them. Melanie could play the drums."

I chuckled. "Justin, I would, but I don't want to let you down. And honestly, Mel has no sense of rhythm," I said, deciding to poke him. Poke, poke, poke. Why, pure amusement, I don't know.

_"'She's into math and magazines, directors cuts and poking me. Armed with an eye for contradictions, she sees completely through me....'" _he sang softly, and I sat up.

"What was that?" I asked.

"A parody of a song that doesn't even exist." he said, smiling.

"Well, what's the original version?"

"I guess replacing 'poking me' with 'gray cell green'?" he said, my interest in the song showing through my happy glow. You heard me, my happy glow.

"And then....?"

"Erm......_'I'm fond of Twin Peaks afternoons, inexpensive wine with cordon bleu. Armed with a plethora of insecurities, we keep each other amused.'_" he sang.

"And we sing...." I came up with out of thin air.

"Hooray for the madness, we are better by design. Let's hope we never have to say goodbye, say goodbye." he sang. I was exploding with delight, high on Ritalin, drunk on alcohol, and full of accomplishment.

"Yeah! We just created a song and a half! Yatta!" I said, shouting and putting my hands up in the air.

"What the hell does that mean?" Justin asked.

"It means 'I did it!' in Japanese. Melanie said it sometime ago." I said, and Justin just laughed.

"You are so weird...."

"Pfft, like you aren't." I said, totally forgetting what I was going to say, but I didn't really care. It wasn't exactly important anyway. Anything and everything can wait 'till tomorrow, but that's probably why I'm the biggest procrastinator ever. Oh well. We laughed, we fell off of the couch, and that's all I can remember before falling asleep on the floor.


	12. Chapter 12

****

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

Scarecrow, I Think I'll Miss You Most Of All...

"Well, that's the last of it." I said, stuffing the last of our stuff, barely fitting into the large, but somehow small compartment. I half expected it to explode on everyone. But that would ruin everything.

Which was why I'm confused for it not happening.

I've been a timebomb ever since Liz said yes to come with me on tour. I took a chance, doesn't everyone? But very often, God just decides to let my decision sit for a weeks or so, and then come back to bite me in the ass.

So far, this hasn't happened.

It's amazing how my life is like a soap opera. Or a TV show. "Tune in next week to see how self-defecating Justin Pierre will torture himself!" And that's a real word. Yeah, even I'm surprised. Go look it up. You'll see my picture.

"Awesome." Liz said, slamming the compartment door closed. "Are the other bands ready to go?" You can't tour by yourself, it takes the fun out of it. We were going with Green Day, Fall Out Boy, and the All American Rejects. I love our friends.

"Fall Out Boy's good, Tyson said he was born ready," Josh gave me a smirk. Private joke. You shall never know. "And Green Day is ready to go." Tony said, out of breath. Poor Tony, every time we go on tour, he's always the one to run his ass and check on the other vans. Our pack mule.

"Alright, Tony. Do you want any oats? Heard they're tasty." I said, giving him a smirk.

"I don't know, Einstein, do they have any hair gel on them?" Tony said back.

"Let's go!" Melanie said impatiently. Eh, she's taken enough of my bullshit as it is. I opened the pretty door and Liz looked inside like it was Emerald City. Unfortunately, I couldn't be surprised by the fanciness of the bus, because I knew by the time we were through with it, it wouldn't be so pretty.

"Damn, they make these things big." Melanie said, as we walked inside.

"Well, duh. We have to _live in here_. And it's not as much space as you think there is." Josh pointed out. "It's like an illusion...."

"At least it's not Justin's Odyssey." Matt said, shuddering when he put his stuff down.

"Even _I_ was surprised how little space we could sleep in that thing." I said, laughing about it, when really the entire experience was hell.

It was in 2003, our first tour together. We just re-released _I Am The Movie_, and because it was too short notice to get a damn bus, we had to drive around in the Odyssey. It was awful, but finally in mid-tour, they got us a bus, seeing that our performance was sort of lacking. That's why I will never, _ever_ tour in my Odyssey again. _Ever._

And we were off. Everyone got settled in. Tony practiced playing the drums on those drum set thingies, and Melanie retreated to her laptop and typed quickly, stopped, and then slammed the delete key about fifty times. Josh read on his bunk, Jesse and Matt played World of Warcraft, swearing when their efforts failed against witches and ogres and all that jazz, in the back. I don't play it, but I can understand how it can be stressful from all the way at the front of the bus, sitting on the couch, with one earbud in.

"Whatcha listening to?' Liz asked.

"Us." I replied. Shit, now she thinks either one, I'm a narcissistic freak, or two, I was lying. Now for the explanation. "I am awful at remembering my own lyrics sometimes. I kind of listen to refresh."

"Huh. I totally get that. It's amazing that you can remember a song you heard ten years ago-"

"And yet you can't remember your own shit." I finished.

"Yeah." she smiled. "Do you mind if I listen?"

"Wha? Oh yeah, sure, sure." I said, handing her an earbud. After going through the record about three times, we started shuffling through my iPod, and about five and a half hours later, we hit Milwaukee.

"Jesus Christ, it took _that_ long?" Melanie said, when the bus stopped.

"What time is it, three?" Liz said, looking around the bus for a clock, grabbing people's wrists, running back and forth, in search of a clock. I chuckled softly and pulled out my cell phone.

"It's 3:49. Anyone else hungry?" I said, Josh, Liz, and Jesse immediately raising their hands. "Majority rules. Let's walk to a McDonalds." The bus driver, who I found out was named Blake, drove over to where we were playing, the lovely Pabst theater, and parked. I love it, it's so....big. And it has beer, so that's a plus. An awesome place to start for our awesome tour.

"Holy shit, you're actually playing at The Pabst?" Liz exclaimed. I nodded.

"I didn't know you guys were even aloud to play there." Melanie said, causing plenty of glares to come her way. "I'm joking, I'm joking." she said, holding her hands up.

I just laughed. Matt can't fall in love with Mel if the rest of the band hates her. Here it goes, Captain Awesome saves the day! "I'm pretty sure Fall Out Boy and Green Day are."

Now, back on the eating issue. "Jesse, can you see if there's a restaurant nearby?" I asked him, as he typed away.

"There's a Wendy's about twelve blocks away." Jesse said, looking up from the magic glow of the computer screen.

"Not good enough. Move over." Liz said, forcing Jesse to surrender the laptop and move over. After a long period of Liz clickity-clacking on the keyboard, we came up with: "Burger King. New Old World 3rd Street."

"How the hell did you do that?" Jesse looking at her with amazement.

"If you dated a chubby chaser, you would have to know that, or have your arm eaten off." Liz said, getting up from the chair.

_"'Well, we're off to see the Burger King! The wonderful king of the burgers...'"_ I went, parodying _We're Off To See The Wizard. _My mind sort of drifted off as we walked over there. We could totally be them for Halloween. I could be Scarecrow, Josh could be Tin Man, Tony could be Lion, Jesse could be Toto, Melanie could be The Wicked Witch of The West, Matt would be a flying monkey, and Liz would be Dorothy.

And Scarecrow, I think I'll miss you most of all...

"Justin? Are you out there?" Liz said, waving her hand in front of my eyes. "We've found Emerald City. I've got the Ruby Slippers." she said, holding up her wallet. It was black leather on the outside, red fabric on the inside.

"Is it weird that I'm half-expecting there to be singing people welcoming us?" I asked, interlocking her arm with mine.

_"'That's how we sing the day away in the merry old land of Burgers...'"_ Liz sang quietly.

_I was nervous from the start, that our muscles might tear us apart. _

We ordered our food, we got all hyped up for the show on Mountain Dew, and ran our asses back to the Pabst, where we practiced for a few hours. Because we're headlining, we've got some time.

"Five minutes." the stage manager said when she opened the door to our room. It's a cute little room that we just chill at until it's time for us to go, which, turns out to be, five minutes.

"Bye, guys. Have an awesome show, we'll be in the crowd." Liz said, dragging Melanie behind her. Melanie did her best to flash Matt a smile before they sprinted out of the room to the crowd. Matt smiled back, and I gave him a smirk. And thus the smirk war began.

"What is this?" Josh pointed at the two of us. "I think Liz and Melanie would be really upset if they found out you were dating." Oh, it was on after that. I jumped on Josh, us both toppling over.

"Say 'mercy'." I said, putting him in an arm bar. "And say that Matt and I are not dating."

"You ruin all the fun, Pierre." Josh said. "Mercy and you and Matt are not dating." I let go, getting off him, running onto the stage.

We set up our stuff and started off with _"The Future Freaks Me Out", _a crowd pleaser, with the All American Rejects interfering a little, but not enough that everything was centered around them. I let Tyson sing the last chorus, because I'm just nice like that.

After that was _"My Favorite Accident", _tragically beautiful song, that has a lot of heartache and just fucking sad. But, I still love it, and everyone else loves it, so it's a win-win scenario.

I looked for Liz in the crowd, there she was, nearly being murdered by the moshers, but alive and smiling at me. Melanie was beside her, her hair a little disorganized, but also alive.

"Hey Matt, your girlfriend's okay. She's surviving the crazy moshers." I said to him, accidentally into the microphone. Oops. The crowd laughed and cheered. "Aww, don't be mad, Matt. I'm sure she likes you right back." More laughter.

Alright, back to reality. "This is for..." Liz's eyes and mine met. "Mouse traps." We both smiled.

_Someday I fear I will be rescued from the boredom line. With lack of memory, I fail to question why. _


	13. Chapter 13

****

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

Hallelujah

Is it possible to have breakfast at midnight? Yes, and that's why Denny exists. Because sometimes people have the need to eat pancakes.

"I love Denny's." Liz said, stuffing a bite-size piece of pancake in her mouth.

"I think everyone else who likes breakfast for dinner does too." I said. As I said, Denny's: Because people have the urge to eat pancakes at one in the morning.

So far, best concert I've ever done. But that's probably because of the amazing circumstances of how everything was going. We got an awesome bus, we played at the Pabst, I've got some good ideas on what to be for Halloween.

And Liz. God, was it impossible to not think about her?

Damn, I've fallen hard for her. And I don't even know her full name. Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever heard. Oh, shit. I'm talking absentmindedly. What exactly is spewing out of my mouth now?

"Orange you glad I said banana?" Oh my God, I'm telling a corny joke. Smooth moves, Pierre.

Liz laughed. "God, how many corny jokes have you said now? 3? Does this happen every time you get drunk?" she slurred. Shit. "I wanna remember you the way you are right now." She used her index fingers and thumbs to form a rectangle and moved it around like she was taking a picture.

"Lizzy, you don't have a camera. You'll just hope tomorrow that you'll remember who I am." I laughed over nothing. Wait, wait, wait. How did I get here again?

Okay, I did the concert....

_  
"Alright, you people out there, we're gonna play a new song. And you people are the first ones, besides myself and someone else, to hear it. It's called...." I struggled to think of a name. "'LG. Fuad.'"_

We didn't really practice this song, I think we've only played it once or twice, but it sounded really good behind me. The only part where I almost forgot it was the part that Liz sang. Thank God she was near the front. She was mouthing the entire thing, so I could follow. How nice.

"Did you people like that?" Cheers. "Good. Because I would be very angry with you if you didn't." Laughter. "I'm joking. This last song fills my want to be a superhero. So enjoy. By the way, best concert ever." Cheering continued.

We played Capital H, and left the stage, waving our goodbyes to the crowd, and as we high-fived each other on the way back to our cool room, I was tackled by a hug the side. Guess who it was?

"Oh my God, you actually played it, oh my God, oh my God, you're the best!" Liz said. I can't say that didn't make me smile.

"Don't murder him, Lizzy. Think of all the fans they would lose if you killed him." Melanie said, standing by. "And yes, I let her do that." She helped Liz up, then myself.

"I guess you'd want Matt to be the lead singer." Liz muttered, barely loud enough for me to hear it.

I held back a laugh, not to draw suspicion. I decided that I didn't want to mess up tonight.

"Hey Liz." She turned around. "Do you want to go eat dinner/breakfast with me?"

"Sure."

We ran outside, and of course, it was raining. The one thing that wanted to mess up my day decided to happen right after my best day ever.

I don't think we even knew where we were going. We just ran, looking for a restaurant, and we ran inside, dripping wet.

And this is where we both ended up. Sitting next to each other, shivering, but smiling like idiots."This pancake is officially the best pancake ever. Nothing could top this pancake. Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Liz said, trailing off like she always did.

Someone walked over to the juke box (I am secretly psyched that they actually had one), and typed in some fancy numbers. The man, or woman, I couldn't really tell from here, put in some money and it started playing. I thought I recognized it from somewhere, maybe in a movie, but in a second, I knew exactly what it was. It was like a song that you've memorized and know by heart, but you just don't remember what it's called anymore.

_"'I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya?'"_ I sang, about a half-step off-key, but it still sounded okay. At least, that's what I think.

_"'Well it goes like this. The fourth, the fifth. The minor fall and the major lift. The baffled king composing Hallelujah.'"_ Liz knew the song too. I think it's popular, but I'm not sure.

_"'Hallelujah, Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah.'"_ we sang. Was it just me, or is the entire staff staring at us, staring at each other?

I didn't even think about it; it was an impulse. I pulled her close and I kissed her softly. She didn't pull away, which made me the happiest man in the world. I don't know how long we stayed there, but it felt like forever. And I didn't want to change a thing.

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah. _


	14. Chapter 14

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**Let's Get Wrecked On Pop-Tarts And Sex...**

I woke up to Justin holding me with one arm, putting his hands through my hair with the other. He was doing his best to untangle the many knots in my messy hair, with little success. "Good morning." he whispered in my ear, giving me a sweet smile, which just makes me smile.

"Is anyone else awake?" I said. For some reason, I had the urge to look down. Uh-oh, I was really only in my bra and underwear. The thoughts of last night came flooding back to me, quickly followed by a major headache. I covered myself up with the blanket on the very small twin bed. We were on the bus, I realized.

"No." he replied, continuing to play with my hair. I looked around and saw the guys sleeping on their bunks. Where was Melanie? I moved around so I could see, and there Melanie was. Sleeping on the couch, her back to me. It looked like she had a jacket draped over her, looking vaguely similar to Matt's hoodie. How nice.

"Hi Jus-holy shit!" Josh yelled suddenly, his head hanging down from the bunk above us. He was hanging over too far, so he fell, thankfully on his back. But because of this, everyone woke up and looked down. Even _I_ did.

"God, are you alright?" I said, looking down.

"Josh! Dude, you okay?" Jesse said.

"Oh my God, that looked fucking painful. You alright?" Justin said, looking down. He was laying right next to me now.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Josh said, getting up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What is this? Is this what I think it is?" he said, pointing at us. We looked at each other, and sort of looked away, like we needed a refresh of what happened last night.

Melanie was covering up her mouth, I knew she was smiling at the amazing set-up. Why must she know _everything?_

Justin sighed. "Yeah, it's exactly what you think it is." Damn, most awkward conversation I've ever been in.

"Um, I'm gonna grab my clothes." I said, looking under the covers. The weird part of it is that I have to hang around. I have to say, most awkward day ever.

After we got that situation straightened out, we took care of that disaster, we took two hours out of our day to drive over to Chicago, thankfully only two hours away. Chicago: The place I sort of wanted to go to, decided not to. But then I realize, why the hell would I want to go to Chicago?

But... people talk about Chicago and I'm pretty sure people live there, so it can't be that bad. They've got the House of Blues, which happened to be where we were playing at. I listened to the Beatles and Dane Cook until we got there, struggling not to laugh my ass off. Melanie was sitting right next to me giving me the famous "What the Fuck" look. To be honest, I just wanted to say "WHOPPER..." simply to mess with her.

But right now, every time I see Justin, we sort of smile, but then look away. God, I hate the awkwardness. I despise it. Because I thought I wasn't going to have to play the "I'm Gonna Ignore My Feelings" game anymore - so much for games better not played. So I guess, fuck all of that. Damn the awkwardness.

"We're here." Melanie took out one of my earbuds, causing me to realize where the hell I am.

"Awesome." I said, looking out the window. It looks nice enough, plenty of buildings and shit. Skylights and all that jazz. "Great, great, great, great." I added for no apparent reason, partially wondering why I keep repeating it. I'm sort of happy that we're going to Chicago and all, but you can't really have a good time with all the tension closing in on you.

"It's like ten, right? Anyone want breakfast? I'm pretty sure we brought some boxes of Pop-Tarts...." Justin said, looking through some cabinets near the couch. "Yup. Three different kinds. Strawberry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon, and... S'more's? Who the hell put that in there?" he said, looking over the box quizzically.

"That would be me," Melanie replied with a grin. Everyone laughed as a flying box of S'mores Pop-Tarts, deemed unworthy of attention by Justin, hit her in the face. Bad idea. Payback was coming, man.

"Whatever," Justin dismissed. "Who wants what?"

"Brown Sugar Cinnamon." I said, and caught the flying bag of Pop-Tarts going just over my head. I barely dropped the thing, from Justin throwing it so high.

"Sorry. I forgot that you're only an inch shorter than me." he said.

"It's fine. Thanks anyway." I said, unwrapping the shiny paper, and guzzling down the Pop-Tarts. Brown Sugar Cinnamon, my favorite kind and the only kind I ever buy. There was no way I wasn't going on tour without those Pop-Tarts.

I dodged a few flying Pop-Tarts as I listened to my iPod on shuffle. Finally, the throwing stopped, and I felt someone sit next to me. Justin, of course. He smiled, and continued to eat his Pop-Tart. I held out my hand, and he held mine.

With my other hand, I put one of my earbuds in his ear, and I noticed that his glasses looked different than they did yesterday. They weren't completely black, the non-glasses part of it was silver. And they were more circular than yesterday. I poked him, and pointed at the glasses.

"I don't know what I did with mine yesterday. All I remember is I didn't have them this morning." he gave me a sly smile."_'Buddy Holly.' _Weezer rocks."

_"'I don't care what they say about us anyway, I don't care 'bout that.'_ They totally rock." I replied. I guess this breaks the awkward silence. Better make a note for later.

_I don't care 'bout that_.


	15. Chapter 15

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**And Let The Awkward Silence Ensue**

God, this silent treatment is KILLING ME! It's one of my weird irrational fears, besides fear of blood-pressure cuff things. When nobody says anything and they just stare, I freak. I can't stand it.

I mean, I wasn't doing anything that bad. I was talking to him at Denny's at one o'clock in the morning. If that's wrong, then anything and everything I've ever done was wrong.

Ha, "everything I've ever done". I'm so perverted.

"You don't think I'm a perverted psychopath, do you Pop-Tart?" I accidentally muttered aloud, looking down at my half-eaten Pop-Tart. Crap, I just blurted out my train of thought, and now Justin probably thinks I'm a psychopath, which I sort of am anyway, but it's not a great feeling either. I also realized that I pretty much contradicted my statement completely. But I didn't care, it's basically insult to injury, so why bother?

"Oh, but it does. It's trying to grow legs right now, just to escape you." Justin chimed in, also looking at the Pop-Tart I held in my hands. "Haven't you seen the cartoon? You and your friends get eaten. Why not give in now and save us the trouble?" he said, sounding just as insane as me.

Which, I can't lie, made me feel a little better.

I laughed. "What are you, Justin Pierre, the Pop-Tart psychic?"

"Why yes, yes I am. I also do cereal boxes and Quaker Oatmeal." he smirked at me. God, we're some messed up, ADD/OCD-influenced, impulsive, whacked out, insanely awesome people.

And that's exactly the way I like it.

Justin's POV

"Hey Justin, can I talk to you for a minute, man?" Josh said from the back of the bus. I quickly turned around, trying to find the voice, and eventually found same old Josh standing there by our impossibly tiny bathroom. Filled with everyone's assorted hygiene utensils and all. I thought it couldn't be done, but there it is.

Anyway, I surrendered the earbud to Liz, and walked over to Josh, wondering what he wanted me for, but I sort of already knew. Like when you know something, but you aren't exactly positively positive you know?

God, I'm just confusing myself.

Back to reality. "What's up?" I said, looking around our cluttered bus. Focus!

"Listen Justin, I know this is really awkward and weird, and I can feel the creepy tension in the air, and I hate it just as much as you do..." Josh began, as I started to blank out accidentally. Questions randomly began to pop in my head: Can you actually "feel" the tension in the air? If I held my hand up in the air, would I be able to "feel" it? And how exactly would he assume I hate it? I don't really care either way...

He went on, and I didn't remember any of it. It was accidental, what, do you think I have a switch in my head that blocks all the bullshit and keeps all the important stuff? That'd be great and very helpful, but no. In fact, most of the time, it's the other way around. I remember stupid things, like when I was about seven, we had a picture that sat next to the television. It was some beach scene or something, but I know that my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, and I were all in it.

I'm doing it again....

What is he saying now?

"Can you do one thing for me next time?" Josh asked.

"Yeah?" I said, not exactly sure what he meant.

"Could you possibly be a little more private about it?" Josh said. Oh, right.

"Sure, man. We cool?" I asked.

"We're cool." Josh and I high-fived one of our amazingly awesome high-fives that we've been doing since high school. As I walked back to the couch, I found that Melanie was talking to Liz about something. I stood behind her, obviously eavesdropping, but Mel was so into the conversation, she didn't notice me standing there.

"So you guys actually...?" Melanie asked as Liz nodded. "Wow, I'm surprised. You weren't messing?"

Liz shook her head.

"And you've never...?"

Liz shook her head again.

"...Was it good?"

That's where I decided to drop in. "I'm sure it was, even though I don't remember it very well. I have a 100% satisfaction guarantee." I said, sitting in between them.

"Oh, you're sick." Melanie said, walking to an undisclosed location of the bus.

"You asked." I told her withdrawing figure. I turned to Liz and shrugged. "Well, she did."

I randomly decided to sprawl out on the couch, my head now in Liz's lap. ((Where exactly does this come from? The editor has no idea.)) "Goodnight, moon." I said, closing my eyes.

"The sun's up _and_ you just woke up." Liz said, looking through her iPod.

"Well, goodnight sun, then. And just because I woke up doesn't mean I wanted to wake up."

"Fine. I'll wake you up when we get wherever it is we're supposed to be going." she said, putting her earbuds in and tangled and untangled my messy hair until I fell asleep again.

_You're the echoes of my everything  
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night  
You're the laziness of the afternoon  
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom._


	16. Chapter 16

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**I''m Alright, I'm Alright**

_You're an accident, Justin! You're a mistake that no one wants to have to worry about!"_

I walked into the bedroom, struggling to walk in a straight line. I'm drunk yet again, though I can't remember what I was doing before then. Betty was ranting at me about how our relationship sucks, the same old things. I tried hard not to yell back at her, and I focused all my energy on "Night Court".

Finally, she stormed off. I followed her down the thin hallway of the shitty apartment that we shared. I couldn't find her, even though the place was so small. One bedroom and one bathroom.

But, there she was, packing up my stuff into a suitcase that I wasn't sure was mine. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked, slurring and angry.

"I'm throwing you out. For good. I'm not going to answer any phone calls off your cell phone this weekend. 'Betty, I need you. I miss you. I'm so alone. Please forgive me,'" she mocked, with a half-pitying, half-sad look on her face. The same look I had when I showed up at the door of her apartment all those times. That was what pissed me off the most - it was my fault that I was still here, but I didn't want to admit that to my rage.

"Oh, like you didn't call me back. You hypocritical bitch. I fucking hate you, and I'm happy to leave this smoke-infested tiny apartment that's meant for one." I walked out, forgetting my stuff. I just grabbed the half-empty beer bottle off the table, and headed out the door. "Don't worry, you won't be hearing anything from me. Goodbye, Betty, I hope you die of lung cancer!" I yelled and slammed the door.

"Is he awake?" I recognized the voice as Josh.

"No. Or at least, I don't think so." That was definitely Liz.

"Is he okay? He seems... tense." That was Melanie, with a weird tone. Could it be concern?

"Oh, he's fine," she replied to Melanie. "Jusssstin. Wakey-wakey." Liz cooed, still untangling my hair. I looked around, trying to figure out what time it was. Where I was. _It was a dream, just a dream. It already happened, relax. You're here, 2005, 2005. _I thought, trying to calm myself down.

"Wha? Oh. Agh! It's so bright!" I shouted, the searing agony of light finally struck me. I cringed in pain, as Matt chuckled. I glared at him, but I then realized that it wasn't exactly helping my whole eyes-bleeding situation.

"Oh, you're fine." Josh said, helping me up. "Well, it's 12:17. You want to go get some lunch? I think I saw a pizza place on the way here..."

"That's fine with me." I said, still trying to get Betty out of my head. God, I choke just thinking about it. Every Friday, I bought her coffee cake, ice cream, and a bottle of ten-dollar wine to make her happy. That's all that relationship revolved around. Make Betty happy, and we can waste our time together, doing a manner of things.

Did we even have any similarities? Maybe we're both lost in memories of the past, trying to find ways to cope with everything that's led us to now. But really, that's about it.

I guess that was enough for me.

"Justin? You there?" Liz waved a hand in front of my blank face. Apparently, we were all walking down the street and I almost walked into a parked car. Gee, aren't I a genius?

"Oh." I walked around the right side of the car. I followed everybody to the pizza place. Liz gave me a smile, but you could tell that she was a little concerned by the way I've been acting. She held my hand, sort of like a little kid, but I still liked it.

_"'I never knew the way to Pasadena, but now I know. Now I know, and I'm grateful.'"_ she sang softly. Betty can't compare. When I look at her, I feel like I've known her forever. Forever is really only two or so months.

"Justin, tell me that you're alright." Liz said, stopping me before we walked into the pizza place.

"Everything is alright." I replied. "Everything's fine. Now, are we going to get pizza or what?"

She smiled, a little bit calmer, now that I reassured her that I'm perfectly okay. A flat-out lie, I'll admit, but I can pass to be a-ok. I think I've done a pretty good job so far, don't you think?


	17. Chapter 17

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**Love Me 'Til My Heart Stops **

Justin's POV

"School busses are so yellow, have you ever noticed?" I said, staring outside of the window of the pizza parlor. Poor little kids were being hauled off to be thrown into the lovely world of "education". Where their dreams will be crushed and broken until they're bite-sized pieces. Then a few of them will cut, color, and paste them back together again and escape.

Pfft, I never passed to college, I'm fine.

_Aren't I? _I thought, taking another bite of my sausage and pepperoni pizza.

But my short burst of nervousness that was slowly manifesting into anger was replaced by how suprisingly yellow the school bus was. It wasn't even yellow, it was more of a hybrid yellow that I've never seen before. Like yellow's big brother, the one that was always successful and better than him. The one that yellow's parents said "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

And we're back to manifesting anger/nervousness.

"What are you thinking about, Justin?" Liz said to me. By her reflection in the window, I could tell that she's getting ready for this one, but in a nice way, if there is such a thing.

"Well, at first I was thinking about how much gas the school systems spend on driving their little midget asses around everywhere, and then I somehow got to the weird hybrid yellow color of the school bus is. Maybe they did it to make people think 'Well, that yellow is super yellow, so they must have plenty of money to just throw around for painting their school busses.'" I explained truthfully, thinking of all the ways she could tell me how ridiculous this sounds.

She just laughed. Stage one.

"You're funny." That's it? Nothing more? Why am I overreacting? What is she thinking about? What is in my hand? Agh, dead bug, how did this happen?

Look up "panic attack". This scene will be right in the Websters dictionary.

I have to admit, when I get wrapped up in my thoughts, otherwise known to everyone else as "me zoning out", I sort of blank out. Minutes, hours, never days, though. I don't know where I am or what I'm doing. It's like me watching a movie on tv in the middle. I get all pissed at the tv, thinking "What the hell, dumbass HBO? Did you _have_ to start this movie over an hour ago?" but I eventually get the jist of it.

It usually happens when I take too much and/or wrong medication out of my collection of about 10 canister thingies and/or something illegal that's just hanging around gets stuck in one of the canister thingies I was telling you about.

You see, a while back, my roommate, Jack, was a junkie. Like a serious junkie. He did everything, crack, heroin, weed, speed, you name it. If it's a drug, he's done it and is most likely addicted to it. And just because he's too drugged up to cover his tracks better, I had to help him hide his stash whenever the faculty got an anonymous tip or when he ripped someone off (oh yeah, BIG time dealer over at Cambridge) and they all came and found him one way or another. So, when I packed everything up and left, I had some of it still in my stuff.

So, I tried it.

And realized that it gives me the best high in the world. But because of this amazingly awesome high, it can sort of kill me with my legal speed, otherwise known as Ritalin. In fact, it could kill me _without_ the Ritalin, so I've tried to stay off it.

And the overall effect pretty much counteracts my fantastically awful ADHD, or whatever the hell it was called.

Oh, but here's the really good part. Sometimes when I jump in from this weird black out, I'm on fucking stage. That's about the part I mess up, because my body's great at operating itself without me fucking things up.

And guess what? This is one of those times.

Apparently, we were playing _"Cambridge", _set in a period in time when this was the usual. Nowadays, people get mad at me for not remembering things, or forgetting what happened yesterday, because obviously, something went down.

_"'Cause any way is the only way...'" _I sang the last line, panicing on the inside, and praying to God that it really was the end of the song. I breathed a (hopefully) silent sigh of relief as Jesse played the last synth/moog/whatever the hell it was notes without a trace of confusion on his face.

Whew, we're in the clear.

What the hell is the next song again....

Wait, why is everything fading out?

What the hell is going on?

Then everything went black.


	18. Chapter 18

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**My Conclusions Will Be The Death Of Me**

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

I need to calm down if I'm going to deal with this. That much I'm sure about. But seeing Justin pass out on stage is enough to scare the shit out of me. And I don't even understand what happened. He seemed like he got everything right, though he seemed to say anything and everything that came to his mind. Including his strangely haziness, I knew something was up. Even when he reassured me, I was still worried.

And this is why. Because every time I'm told that everything is fine, something is wrong. It's always the same fucking way. But I don't feel like saying "I told you so" to anyone. Not right now. At the moment, my mind was racing as I waited in the waiting room at a hospital I didn't remember the name of. They wouldn't let me go inside, because I'm not related to him. Though I had explained to them in a panicky voice that none of his relatives lived nearby and we were all worried about him, they refused all of us.

I turned to the rest of the guys; they were looking anxious. They're as worried about him as I am. I could see Melanie contemplating something from her seat next to Matt. But nobody looked more worried than Josh. He'd been his friend forever, knew all Justin's habits, dislikes, likes, secrets, etcetera. Which made me wonder. "Josh?" I whispered to him.

He turned toward me. "Yeah?" he whispered back.

"Has this ever happened before?"

He sighed, a sign that it's nothing I really want to hear. "I'd like to say no, but I can't. Yes, this has happened before, but not on stage. The color usually disappears from his face and he then he's just gone. But that was a long time ago. Back in '95." I did the math, I was supposed to be in college in '95. so that must've been when he was in college for the short period of time he was.

"Was he, like, experimenting with drugs?"

Josh looked away and I already knew my answer. It was the worst assumption, and the most logical. I knew about this because I'd had to put Melanie through her own personal rehab. I could remember the calm, goofily smilng Mel now. It was a BIG change from the very stressed-out sophisticated college student I'd always known.

_"Hey Lizzity-Lizard-Lizzzzzzzzzzzz...." Melanie said, walking inside. She looked at the door with a weird look, and then smiled. "Oh hey man, whazzup? Haven't seen you in a while." She laughed again and sat down on her couch._

I gave her a weird look. What the hell had happened to her? "Um, Melanie, are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm as perfect as cucumber pie."

"'Cucumber pie'? What the hell is that?'"

Melanie started laughing again. She started to lie down on the couch and then passed out.

"Melanie?" I walked over to her and shook her awake. "Melanie, are you there?"

"Oh. Hey Liz, when did you get here?"

"Melanie, what the hell is wrong with you? Why aren't you as high-strung as usual? Did we suddenly switch roles or something? I thought I was supposed to be the chill, random one and you were supposed to be the one who was telling me things like 'Get your act together, Liz'. What did you do?"

"Well, I like being calm and chill. And it's all thanks to a nice guy named Jack. He's funny and has weed and funny and cool and funny and has a dorm. His roommate has this weird hair, but Jack is cool. He's like..." she paused for a moment. "Diet Coke. Mm. Do you have any?"

I jumped to a sudden realization. Melanie was doing drugs and this is what she'd be like for the rest of her life. That's something I can't handle. "Melanie, where's you stash?"

"It's in my car..." she answered drearily.

I sped down the stairs to her car. She'd left it unlocked, as the keys were lying in the seat, I went through her car and found enough crack to get her sent to jail for life. I grabbed all of it and took it back upstairs.

"Ooh, weed." I hear her say as I walk into the nearest bathroom and flush it. Though it might clog, she'd just get a plunger. "Hey, what the fuck are you doing?" Melanie said indignantly as the weed went down the toilet.

"It's gone now. And you can move on with your life. And I'm going to make sure you do, because otherwise, you'll never be the famous writer I know you are. So, for the next... seventeen days, I'm going to make you ask yourself how badly do you want this. And if you decide that this is worth it, then by all means, go. But I'm going to make sure that the best of my ability that you'll say no."

Well, this royally pissed Melanie off. "YOU BITCH!" She tackled me, and I struggled to get her off. "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

"Because... I'm not going to see you lose everything because of this." I said, restrained, from Melanie putting me in a headlock. I elbowed her side and she let go. I then put her in an arm bar. "If you think this is hell, we haven't even started rehab." I knew how to deal with this, because of my oh so messed-up, crack brother and my dad doing the same thing. I wouldn't stop until Melanie gave in and would stay sober.

I started to tear up over my brother. He'd died a few years ago from drug overdose. I quickly snapped out of it and kept the matters at hand more important that old news. Why would Justin... it made sense. It all made perfect sense. I thought that I'd heard Justin get up in the middle of the night. He must've gotten high when I was asleep, then mixed it with his Ritalin and then stayed up all night. _That's_ why he was tired this morning!

"Jackson, Burke, Cain, Taylor, Johnson, and Thaxton?" A nurse from the front desk read off the clipboard. We all stood up and walked to the desk. "You can see him now." She led us down a hallway. My brain was coming to all sorts of conclusions, while my stomach was doing backflips.

The nurse opened a door. "Here he is."


	19. Chapter 19

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**CareBears And Hospital Beds**

_"Jackson, Burke, Cain, Taylor, Johnson, and Thaxton?" A pause. "You can see him now."_

I slowly started to emerge from my unconscious and looked around. Ah, dammit, it's a hospital. We're all screwed now. A nurse opened the door, and there they all were. Those same concerned eyes that you begin to hate after awhile, because you know that you don't deserve it. Not in the least. Maybe you haven't been in this situation, but I certainly have. Too often, according to Josh, and I partly agree with him. Hey, nobody ever expects to get in a hospital from doing drugs, but they do.

Liz was the first one to come over towards me. She walked over to my right side and got on her knees to be at my level. The others followed, but they kept a distance. Like I was contagious or something. But Liz wasn't afraid or affected, obviously. She's immune to all Justin Pierre related diseases. Well, besides ADD, but that's beside the point.

"Hey, Justin." Liz said with a small smile. She said it casually, like this happened every day. She was probably the first one to sign in, making her last name Jackson. It fit well. I mentally noted this in the back of my head for future use.

"Hey, Lizzy." I replied softly. "Did I scare you? With this whole thing?" I asked, even though I pretty much already knew the answer. She looked pretty shaken, concerned, and things of that description.

"Sort of, yeah. Actually, a lot." she said, going back and forth about whether to lie or not. At least after a though process, she's still honest with me. "You pretty much scared the living shit out of all of us when you passed out on stage. Even the audience sort of had this whole group gasp. A few people even screamed." she smiled. "But I climbed up there. I barely dodged those dumbass security guards. Josh had to tell them that I was aloud to be up there. He had to talk them down."

I laughed, mentally imagining Josh talking down three 300-pound security guards. I turned to him; he was still standing by the door with everyone else, but he looked worried in his own Josh Cain-ish way. "I'm impressed. Kudos to you, good sir." I grinned, trying to tone down his nerves.

"It was a first, I'll admit. But shit happens when stuff happens to you. I usually get this weird feeling in my stomach. Like I know." Josh replied.

"Like ESP." Liz said.

"Exactly. But it's only about you. It never happens when shit happens to me, I guess I'm not important enough to have powers about myself." Josh pointed at me.

"Gosh, I feel so honored. Something to bring up in conversations, and helpful for me. Do you like, sense it? Or maybe you hear my voice in your head or something like that..." My mind began to wander as I tried to explore the possibilities. "Like, 'Agh, I'm being stabbed in a back alley of a restaurant. Help me, Josh!'" I said, clutching my chest, holding an imaginary knife in place.

"'My Justin Pierre senses are tingling!'" Josh said, putting two fingers on his temples. Everyone laughed at that one. We have fun after I nearly die.

"So, they carted you off on a stretcher. Melanie got past the crowds,_ finally_." Liz gave Melanie a look.

"I didn't know what to do. Jeez, I've never been in this kind of situation." Melanie said defensively, arms crossed. She didn't like hospitals either.

"Well, you certainly took your damn time." Liz said accusingly. She was beginning to start again, but she was cut off by the nurse/doctor/medical lady.

"Um, excuse me, can I talk to you outside?" She meant everyone besides me, of course. She'd probably say about how they found drugs in my system. How the hell they figured this sort of shit out, I have no fucking idea. It's not like they dissected me; they wouldn't have enough time. But, still, that's how they say it and she'd advice them to give me the whole "Drugs are Bad" talk.

Liz started to get up, but was stopped by Melanie. "It's fine. I've got it covered, all right? You guys have your couply moment alone." she said, looking back at me with a small smirk. She closed the door behind her, and then we were all alone.

"Anyway, they started asking me about which hospital to take you to, etcetera, etcetera. I think I said something along the lines of 'Go for the middle class one. We aren't made of money.'" she smiled, and I could tell she was joking.

I dramatically gasped. "How could you?" I turned my back to her. "I don't like you anymore, Lizzy. You don't care about me." I pouted and crossed my arms, struggling not to pull out the IV stuck in my left arm. It hurts like shit when you do, swear to God.

"Oh, I do." Liz said, her arms wrapping around me. Her voice was surprisingly soothing, and the atmosphere felt like we were alone. Well, yes, technically, we are in the same room alone. But what I mean is not in a building full of people with more people outside. Like we weren't in a hospital, like we were in the apartment back in Mahtomedi. "Jeez, I don't take you to a high-class hospital when you pass out on stage and you hate me?" she sighed. "I'm sorry for not talking you to the best hospital and priciest hospital around. Do you forgive me?"

"Of course I do." I said, turning around. I could now see that she was on the small space of the hospital bed that wasn't occupied by myself. I grinned at her and kissing her on the forehead. "You're so adorable. I don't know why I feel like saying that, but you are. You're like a CareBear. Except you're a LizBear."

"I'm a LizBear?" Liz replied, and laughed. "'LizBear, now available in all stores. Order now to get your LizBear today!'" she said in an announcer voice. Was I mad at her? Wasn't there something I was accusing her of? Probably me being paranoid again. Oh yeah, her laughing about something in my haze. Goddammit, I am impossibly paranoid.

She started putting her fingers through my hair like she always does. "Something's missing....Oh!" Liz pulled something out of her poeket. They were my glasses. Still in one piece, and weren't broken in the least. How the hell that happened, I'm not really sure. Maybe I had them on my head...Everything _did _seem a little blurrier than carefully put them on for me and smiled. "Now _you_ look adorable."

For a while, we just layed there. I mean, what were we supposed to do? Play Uno? But then, we got to what I was doing here. She hadn't touched on the subject, maybe to avoid the concern and her faith dropping or something along those lines, but finally, she got there.

"You know that I was really, really, really worried about you when you hit the stage. Like, think of that happening to me, but a hundred times worse. I know, alright? But please, can you not do that? I don't want to lose you." Liz laughed softly. "I'm not very good at this, am I?"

I just smiled. "You most likely have never had to tell someone to stop doing whatever they're doing, because it could eventually kill them before. So, for a first time, I give you a seven." I held up seven fingers strangely. I had my fourth finger down on my right hand and my thumb was holding down my index finger on my left hand. It was how I used to hold up numbers when I was in high school.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I had a friend named Jimmy. Jimmy always messed up his numbers when he was holding them up. They were either one over or one under. So that's stuck with me 'till now. And Jimmy is still my friend (as well as my landlord) and he lives down the street from my apartment complex.

But anyway...."I don't want to sound too adult-ish, even though I am an adult, according to the government's standards. But, I don't want to be condescending, but at the same time, I want to get the point across. Agh, I would suck as a mom." Liz said, hitting herself on the head, barely missing me.

"Oh, you'd be the fun mom that everyone wishes was their mom."

"Agh, you're ruining my telling you to do stuff period!" Liz said, laughing, even though she looked like she was about to cry. I hate when that happens. You want to be happy, but you know that shit's going down. "Okay, okay. Listen, please, please, can you not smoke weed? Please, just don't. You have no idea how many people would miss you if you died. Understand me, young man?" she said in a parental voice.

I bent my head down in the space that I could. "Yes, Mom." I said in a low voice. Liz laughed, and held me tight. Just then, Melanie walked inside, closing the door behind her.

"Um, Liz, can you wait outside for a second?" Ah, so_ Melanie _was going to give me this whole talk thing. She won't be too hard on me because of Liz, but she can also use that to her advantage on this dumbass talk. Liz hugged me tightly, then got up and left the room. Welcome, weird atmosphere. You're always welcome to join me in these sorts of conversations.

"So you've been elected to give me the 'Don't Do Drugs' talk?" I said sarcastically. I don't really mean it that much, it's just my attitude towards the topic, not her.

Melanie rolled her eyes. "They all seem to have done it before." she said sarcastically. And so began the long talk where I zone out. She talked about how it'll eventually kill me, and that I'll never get any higher, blah, blah, blah. Then she said something about a... bus? Oh, never mind, that was somebody else's shirt. Well, I tried to keep an understanding look on my face. I even nodded a few times. Finally, she was finished.

"So what exactly gives you the authority to boss me around about my life?" I said, crossing my arms. Don't rip the IV, don't rip the IV...

"Well, firstly, you're my best friend's boyfriend, I can order you all the hell I want. Secondly, because Liz's Hell-and-Back Rehab Boot Camp is the most godawful thing I hope you never have to experience. And third, I have the most experience on the other side of the conversation, so I get to order you to stop doing drugs." she said curtly.

"Whoa, whoa, what do you mean 'on the other side of the conversation'?" I asked, a little confused. I mean, Melanie couldn't have done drugs. She's too successful to have done drugs. It's like Bill Gates or J.K. Rowling doing weed.

"I mean that back in '95 in my first year of college at Cambridge, I smoked weed. Can I get any clearer than that?" Melanie said, becoming impatient with my lack of understanding plain English.

"You went to Cambridge?"

"Yes, I went to Cambridge."

"_I_ went to Cambridge for a year. Who did you get your drugs from?"

"Some dude named Jack, I think. And I actually _finished_ college, thank you."

Holy shit, I met her before I met her? What the hell?

"I was his _roommate_, you whore! How the hell did you not fucking know who the hell I was before I even figured it out?" I said, still confused when I actually did meet her. "'95, right? Holy shit, you're....you look so different now...."

Melanie looked like a whole different person from what I remember of her. She didn't have long shoulder-length hair with blond streaks. She looked a little older, a little more experienced, but still kept the same sophisticated look that she had before, even when she was waaaay high.

She was staring at me, like if she seared holes through me, eventually she'd remember me. Finally, after her stare-a-thon, she gasped. "Holy shit, you look different but then you don't! It's like an illusion... The only considerable difference is that your hair is somewhat more organized. And you look somewhat older, but not really."

"Huh, fucking small world."

"Yeah." After a short pause, Melanie continued her speech thing. "Well, Lizzy put me through her hell rehab, consisting of a month, but originally starting out with just seventeen days. You do not want to get put through that shit." she shook her head at me, most likely reminiscing of that month. (I was actually starting to get scared, the way she shuddered just thinking about it.)

"Well, I'm gonna go tell everyone outside that I talked to you about everything. Oh, by the way, you sort of had a drug overdose. Doctor's advice: don't mix Ritalin with weed." Melanie opened the door up for everyone.

"Hey, guys. Can I get the hell out of here yet?"

"We're signing the papers right now, Justin." Matt said, holding up three or so clipboards. Damn, hospital security is tough. They all quickly filled out the clipboards and handed them to the doctor, and she detached my IV. I mentally cussed loudly in my head, and got out of the hospital bed. My legs were oh so numb, but I was happy to leave the the staff might not say anything, their eyes are so accusing. It's creepy.

I walked outside, and Liz held my hand. She makes me feel better in all the assorted uncomfortable situations.

"Let's get the hell out of here." I turned to Liz and said.


	20. Chapter 20

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**Get Well Soon**

Justin's POV

Has anyone noticed that as soon as something bad happens to you, everyone suddenly cares about you? "Steve the Strangler! You got a cold? Oh, golly gee willikers, I better go buy you a card and flowers and 'Get Well Soon' balloons!" Everyone goes ballistic, but hey, Steve gets some flowers and balloons. You certainly cheered him up, Betty. (And yes, that was a random coincidence, but that really isn't a coincidental name.) Maybe Steve will rethink strangling people and go work at a fricking bakery.

But enough of my stupid analogies. What I'm really getting at is that the entire fricking country obviously heard about me crash-landing on the stage the other day. Hopefully tabloids won't leak the reason why. So, I've been getting a lot of stuff for no reason. Lots of fans who want to have my hair's kids sent me cards, cash, a spatula, some chick's grandma underwear, and a song dedicated to me scaring the living hell out of them. Liz really wasn't kidding when she said that my fans were worried about me. I feel so loved.

Epitiaph freaked out as well, much to my expectations. They considered canceling the entire tour, but Josh the Negotiator explained that I'd be a-okay in a few days. We're trying to give everyone the impression that I had a sudden heart attack or something life-threatening that does NOT involve drug abuse. Maybe something like dehydration or food poisoning; something involving pigs if so. Like a Swine Flu or something like that. ((Note: This is 2005. Swine Flu didn't exist yet, this is just Justin rambling on mentally.)) Crossing our fingers in hopes that they bought it, things actually went according to plan. They rescheduled the show for....four days from now and I get to chill in the bus with my jubilee of balloons and my shiny spatula.

Tyson and his people stopped by the Magic Tour Bus to give me stuff. Aren't they fantastic? Gah, I feel sarcastic today. Liz said gracias to them for me, and I got to read the Hallmark-y "Get Well Soon" card they got for me. I got blue flowers, I don't really remember the name at the moment. I just know that it's one out of two of Liz's favorite flowers and that's all I really care about.

"Justin?" Liz said from the front of the bus.

"Yes?" I said from my bunk that Liz had confined me to for the time being that people were visiting me.

"It's Green Day. They want to see if you're okay. They brought flowers."

I turned around and saw Billie Joe Armstrong the Third, Tre Cool, and Mike Dirnt walking over. Okay, I'm still shocked they even said "okay" to have a tour with us. They're like a little higher in the food chain than we are, even with my awesome hair. So I'm surprised that they'd actually "check" on me. They have plenty of other things to do, you know? It sort of makes you wonder what they _could_ be doing... Putting on eyeliner, maybe?

I'm joking, I'm joking. But still. Not the eyeliner thing, but the whole they could be doing a lot of a lot of other things besides being here. Oh shit, they're talking to me, aren't they? Reminder to self: Hit myself on the head after they leave.

"We couldn't really think of what flowers to get, so we sort of got one of each." Billie Joe said, handing the flowers over to me. "We're probably a little late, and I'm sure you don't need any more, but we thought we'd be nice." I looked at them, he wasn't kidding. There were at least twenty different kinds of flowers in there.

"Thanks for coming over, guys. I'll try to get better as quick as humanly possible." I said. Trademark Justin Pierre smile, and cross your fingers behind your back and hope that they leave soon... It's nothing I have against anybody; I would just like to be left alone for the rest of the day, if that's okay with the rest of the world. I would like to close up shop for now, everybody on Planet Earth.

Finally, they left. I started to walk around, though my left foot was numb. I bit my lip and sort of hobbled around the bus, even though there wasn't any space at all for me to do this in the first place. When you have the ability to walk around after hours of having to chill in a bunk and accept assorted gifts from people you don't really know, it's sort of nice to do something like that.

After about ten minutes of this, Josh walked through the entrance of the bus, holding a medium-sized TV. He groaned as he put it down on the end of the couch. Liz bent her legs to avoid the TV from breaking them both. She looked up from her copy of Twilight, a tale about a sparkling undead guy falling in love with a depressed pale chick, to see what was going on.

"Got a TV for us. Matt's carrying the DVD player so we can watch some movies." I'm surprised I didn't think of this, but I'm happy that Josh did anyway. Matt carefully put the DVD player on top of the TV and began to look for outlets. Josh, Matt, and Jesse hooked it up, while Liz, Melanie, Tony, and I tried to decide what movie we should watch. I like having a dedicated movie cardboard box.

"What about...'Monkey Business'? Marx Brothers, come on." Liz said, supporting contestant No. 1 of 3 that we had cut it down to.

"I still support 'To Have And To Have Not.'" I said, looking over the DVD case again for the seventh time now.

"Hero. Jet Li is kick ass." Tony said.

"I agree. Not my first choice, but foreign films own." Melanie said.

"I'll watch Hero." Matt said. Of course, always a big supporter of the foreign films and Melanie. Excrementally expected, and yes, I most likely did use that wrong.

"Aw, come on, Matt. We _always_ watch foreign films. Can we watch something other than Bruce Lee?" I said, taking a stand.

"Guys, guys! What about 'White Christmas'? Christmas is right around the corner, isn't it December? Good movie...." Liz said persuasively.

"Alright, alright, we'll watch 'White Christmas.'" I said, smiling at the support of Liz.

White Christmas is a classic, as well as a pretty good movie. And it turns out that it's one of Liz's favorite Christmas movies as well. I could see her mouthing along to the words of Phil Davis's rant towards Bob Wallace.

_''I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that's forty-five minutes, and I'd at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.'"_

Josh smirked at me from his side of the bus. You think I oughta be used to this by know. He's still mentally celebrating the fact that I actually _did_ do what he said I would do. Maybe he's just sick of my constant break-ups and girlfriends. Maybe he just knows me that well, or maybe it's because he said so that I actually did do so, like him be the influence, me being the influenced. Agh, all these maybes are giving me a headache.

"Don't ever let her go." Josh mouthed. I grinned and flicked him off, and turned back to the movie.

_Let's just hope, Josh._

Liz's POV

_Out of the blue, out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know. I carried the world just as far as I could, but the damage had taken its toll…_

I quickly woke up, from the same reoccurring nightmare that's been happening ever since I left that hospital. I don't know if it's just because I wasn't hard enough on Justin or I'm worried about him or if a poltergeist is following me or what. The fact that it keeps repeating is starting to scare the living hell out of me.

You see, it starts out with me in this wasteland of a town, just walking through. The dream's set in this city, but nobody's around. Like a ghost town, except more like a post-apocalyptic ghost town. As in example, if everyone just disappeared off the face of the earth. Everything still as good as it was, but nobody's there. And I don't really remember seeing any cars either.

But anyway…

I'm walking on this road, again no cars, and I see Justin. I smile, because, one, it's Justin, and two, because at least there's _somebody_ here besides me. I get this feeling of relief in my imaginary stomach. So, for whatever reason, I just run over to him. Like a slow-mo, I'm-milking-this-more-than-I-have-to run. He smiles at me, and then mouths something, but somehow I know exactly what he's saying without the sound.

_"You've carried the world just as far as you could, but the damage has taken its toll…"_

Then, there's like this sudden earthquake. I'm really scared, and I can see the cracks in the ground coming toward us. I grab Justin's hand and start to run, but he doesn't move. I look at him with confusion and fear. I yell at him "Come on! Let's go!" but no sound comes out. I try to drag him, but he doesn't move. He just stands there and smiles. The earthquake cracks get closer and closer, as I struggle to get him to move.

Suddenly, the buildings around me start to crumble. The extremely tall one stands to the right of me and Justin. The cracks run up it and the building starts to fall. It falls toward the both of us, and crashes on me. And there I am, buried alive. And then I wake up.

Nobody but me's up right now, anyway. So I have no one to explain to. I sigh, and look at Justin, sleeping adorably with a Powerpuff Girls blanket next to me. I smile, because I feel safe and in a familiar place, not in a post-apocalyptic wasteland during an earthquake. So that's comforting.

But I can't help but wonder what it means. Supposedly, your dreams tell you things. But I really don't want to think what this one's supposed to mean. So, here I lie, trying to distract myself from thinking about it until daybreak. Well, that's nice.


	21. Chapter 21

For the next few days, it was pretty much a blur. The guys did the re-show in Chicago and then we rode to Phoenix. No problems, except the chaotic getting-yourself-together and out the door. This went like this for a while until we got to Cleveland, Ohio. The guys just did their show, and we were all heading back to the van. We had some well-deserved downtime before we had to go over to the Big Apple. I actually got to figure out what day it was, and realized that it's getting super ultra close to Christmas.

And I didn't have time to prepare, so I've been planning what we actually were going to do all day. So I decided to pose a question on Justin, on which I would revolve my plan around.

"Where would you like to have a Christmas miracle? Honestly." I asked Justin in the middle of Electric Boogalo. Christmas is my personal favorite holiday ever invented ever, so I want us to do something. I'm not exactly sure what just yet, but something. I'm setting things in motion.

"Waffle House, maybe?" he said, his eyes not moving from the screen.

"Alrighty then. We shall have a Christmas miracle at Waffle House!" I declared, and watched the rest of the movie. "I shall return, I promise. If I don't, then assume that I've been abducted."

For the rest of the day, I pretty much spent my time buying stuff for everybody. From all the time I've spent with the guys and all the time I've known Melanie, I have a vague outlook of what I should get them all. Even though nobody but me was probably planning to buy anything for anybody, I'm perfectly fine with that. Was there anything wrong with giving stuff to people on Christmas and getting nothing in return? Not in my opinion. Call me Kristi Kringle.

I've bought a new Kirara hat for Melanie, as the one I bought her oh so many years ago is now too small for either of us. I got Matt the The Beatles Forever book, because I didn't have enough time to buy an autographed bass guitar off eBay. For Josh, I bought a 1965 Gibson SG Junior. I remember him looking at it in a guitar catalog somewhere in between Chicago and Nashville. Jesse gets Surfa Rosa by the Pixies, and Tony gets Songs for Silverman by Ben Folds.

I got Justin Veronica Mars: Season One from Blockbuster. He'd been saying that he'd never had the time to watch it, but he was interested. Because I'm just that cool, I bought it for him. I was really pleased with myself. I'd bought everyone presents and I still have some money in my bank account.

But as I was thinking of all this, I ran into someone and nearly made me drop all of the nice things I bought everybody. "Jesus Christ, who the hell do you think you are? Running into me. Do you have any fucking manners?" I didn't mean to sound this pissed and rude, but if they ran into me just a little harder, all of my stuff would've been ruined. To relate to everyone besides me, like if someone almost runs into your car. You're immediately upset, because you could have DIED, and angry because they weren't careful, when it could've been your fault in the first place. So it felt like that.

But this is the answer I got back:

"At times, yes. And I'm pretty sure I'm Justin Pierre of Motion City Soundtrack. I hail from Mahtomedi, Minnesota? You may have heard of me." A familiar voice said, and I suddenly felt the bottom of my stomach drop.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, Justin. I didn't mean to say that. It's just that I've been scouring the universe trying to find things for everybody and-" I began.

"Hold on, you bought everybody something?" he asked quizzically.

"Yeah." I said defensively.

"Well, that's nice of you. Do you care that we aren't prepared at all and you'll most likely get nothing in return?"

"No. It's Christmas, or going to be Christmas. I'm pretty sure the whole plot revolves around the whole giving thing, not the getting presents part." I said. "Also, Melanie's given me more shit than I could remember. This is just getting even with her. And for the guys, it's just the generosity of Kristi Kringle."

"'Kristi Kringle'. It has a nice ring to it, I'll give you that. Well, I was going to get you a Christmas present here, but now that you're here, I have to think of what I could get for you elsewhere." Justin said, walking away from Blockbuster with a smug look on his face. But now that I know that he's actually getting me a Christmas present, I wonder what he'll get me.

"You're getting me something?" I said, my voice a little more high pitched than usual. Goddamnit.

"Yes. But you can't know what I'm getting you, because that would ruin the surprise." Justin said, smirking.

"Oh, but it'd surprise me now!" I whined. God, my adult persona can break down at any moment. Note to self: Work on maturity.

"I can't tell you, Lizzy, and that's that." Justin said, giving me a serious look.

I knew he was cracking on the inside, so I put on a puppy dog face just to mess with him. He starts laughing and quickly turns away.

"You suck." He says, and I catch up with him.

I follow him for a few blocks, whining and etcetera. But then I hear something. It sounds like Exploding Boy, but that can't be true. "Alkaline Trio?" I said disbelievingly, my thoughts now voiced aloud. Why would they be here? As I walk closer up the sidewalk, I can hear it more clearly. It was coming from someplace called "The High-Fi Concert Club". They were playing loud enough that Justin and I could hear from outside.

"Tell yourself we'll start again

Tell yourself it's not the end

Tell yourself it couldn't happen, not this way

You're too late

You're too late…"

"Holy shit. What a fucking coincidence." I said, thinking of how things have become increasingly and increasingly more coincidental.

"Alright, we're gonna play a song off our most recent record titled 'Every Thug Needs A Lady'." I heard Matt Skiba say. There was much rejoicing from the crowd on the inside of the building..

"I know it's dark here, you know that I'm scared too. For some reason right now of everything but you. Right now, you're all that I recognize." Justin sang, and I realized that he was standing beside me. "You know I came here when I needed your soft voice. I needed to here something that sounded like an answer. And I wait here and sometimes I get one."

"It's nothing I'll forget when the moon gets tired. You are stuck to me everyday." We sang.

"Believe in what I am, because it's all I have today

And tomorrow who knows where we'll be

From here, I can hardly see a thing

But I will follow anyone who brings me to you

For now, forever, for on and on and on."

"You know it starts here, outside waiting in the cold. Kiss me once in the snow, I swear it never gets old. And I will promise you that I can make it warmer next year…" I sang, now smiling for reasons yet to be specified. "You know I came here when I needed your soft voice. I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer. Now I stay here and every day, I get one..."

"It's nothing I'll forget when the moon gets tired

You are stuck to me every day

Believe in what I am, because it's all I have today

And tomorrow who knows where we'll be

From here, I can hardly see a thing

But I will follow anyone who brings me to you

For now, forever, for on and on and on…

So go plug in your electric blanket

We can stay here 'till our southern summer wedding day

Go go plug in your electric blanket

We can stay here…"

There was a short pause from the band, but the fans were screaming like crazy. They started the next song. but Justin and I were just staring at each other. We were only three or so feet from each other, or so it seemed.

"I didn't know you listened to Alkaline Trio." Justin said, breaking the silence.

"I didn't know you did either." I smiled. Suddenly, he pulled me close and we kissed. On a scale of one to ten, it was an easy twenty-nine million. After what seemed like hours, we finally pulled away.

"And this is only part one of what I'm giving you for Christmas."


	22. Chapter 22

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**And Now...For The Waffle House Christmas Miracle**

After this, I had to wait outside anxiously of Barnes and Noble and wonder what Justin would get me. What could he possibly get me from Barnes and Noble that I would adore and love as much as I love him a cute white bull terrier? What if he actually _did_ get me a cute white bull terrier that's two months old? Wouldn't he be adorable...I hope I get a white bull terrier from Barnes and Noble. That would be the best Christmas gift of all.

Ha, wouldn't it be funny if he actually _did _walk out with a white, two month old, bull terrier?

Unless my cute puppy's squirming around in that plastic bag, or he's sleeping/dead, Justin didn't get me a two month old white bull terrier.

"Awww, can't you at least give me a hint? Just a little hint?" I said, as he held the bag over his head, which really isn't that far, since I'm only an inch shorter than him. But still, because I have short arms and long legs, I couldn't reach. Goddamn my shitty body structure.

And so I pouted the entire time while we walking down to the bus. Because though I really am an adult, ten years in the making, I'm more like a really tall eight-year-old.

"Come on, Lizzy. You'll know when we go to Waffle House anyway." Justin said, cracking a smile in my direction. I turned away as I smiled, trying to make him not see that I was breaking. Instead of just giving in, he decided that he'd grab my stuff. And so began the chase of the century. One quite pissed, but laughing her ass off Bethany Elizabeth Jackson, with a surprisingly fast runner Justin Courtney Pierre.

"Goddamnit, Justin!" I said, as he started to slow down. Aha, fast, but can't keep the steam going. Another useless fact I've learned about him.

I couldn't be mad at him, though. For whatever reason, I am unable to be mad at Justin for an extended period of time, and I've really not had the opporotunity, besides the whole drug scandal. (And yes, I just said "drug scandal". I've been reading too many magazines.) And even then, I wasn't mad at him. God, I'm a total pushover, aren't I?

He handed the lovely gifts I bought for everyone back to me, grinning brightly at me.

"Thank you, Justin." I said, taking them from him. I realized that we'd ran from Barnes and Noble all the way to the bus. Jesus Christ, how fast were we running?

I walked inside the bus and stood at the exit. "Everybody, we're going to Waffle House. Come on my Christmas miracle, for I have gifts for everyone." I said in a weird voice. Don't know what I was trying to go for there, but everyone came out and followed me to a designated Waffle House. We all walked inside and got ourselves a booth.

I stood in front of the table, still carrying the many bags and cases of the things I'd bought. "I got everyone gifts from many department stores and places I didn't know existed. But, I got everybody something and I really don't care if I get anything back. I'm Kristi Fucking Kringle."

"Alright, let's start off with you, Melanie. I got you..." I put my hand in the bag on the left with Matt and Melanie's things, shaking things around and looking around for her Kirara hat. "An adult-size Kirara hat!" I said, handing it to her. Damn, I sound like a fucking game show host, don't I? She lit up, like when I first gave it to her many, many years ago.

"Let's see, we'll go clockwise. Matt...I got you..." Again, I put my hand in the bag, looking for the book I'd bought him. "The Beatles Forever book!" I handed it to him.

"Thanks, Liz." he said, giving me a thumbs up. Yay.

"Tony...I got you the new Ben Fold album, _Songs For Silverman_." I said, passing it down to him. "Sort of overheard you talking about it. Hope it doesn't count as eavesdropping if I got you a gift."

"Wow." he said, stunned for what I'm going to assume that I actually got him a gift. Poor Tony. Always left out. "Thanks, Liz."

"And Jesse, because I needed to get you something, I got you _Surfa Rosa_ by the Pixies. If the gift sucks, know that it's hard to buy for you." I said, passing the album down to Jesse.

"No, no. It's great. Thanks a lot, Liz." Jesse replied.

"Josh...I got you the heaviest gift of all..." I said, carrying the guitar case closer to the table. I opened it carefully, making sure it wouldn't fall out and be ruined. "A 1965 Gibson SG Junior. Hopefully you didn't already buy one in that catalog in the mail." I said, realizing the only flaw in my plan.

"And lastly, Justin. I wanted to get you an old movie, but the one I really, really wanted to get you was back-ordered, so I decided to go with _Veronica Mars: Season One_."I said, handing it to him, since he was closer to me.

"Damn, you buy good shit. I really didn't even think of this. Wow. Thanks, Lizzy." Justin said, scooting over, so I could sit next to him.

"So you bought all this and left us giftless? Man, I feel like a douchebag now." Josh said, looking at his guitar. "I'm gonna buy you something too. Like a belated Christmas gift thing. A belated Christmas miracle present."

"Hey, I got her something." Justin said defensively.

"Well, that's because you're her boyfriend, dumbass. Of course you got her something."

"I got her something too, you know." Melanie said, surprising me. "I didn't know how long we were gonna be out, so I didn't bring it with me. It's at home in my apartment."

"And anyway, Melanie got Matt something." I said, improvising, but making my sort-of plan work. "She got him a bass signed by Paul McCartney with the Beatles green apple on the front of it. It's sent to her address, so he's getting someting when we get back to Minnesota too."

Melanie gave me a look, but like telepathy, I mentally told her to go with it.

"Well, what exactly did you get Liz, because you're the only one who just so happens to have a gift for somebody with them?" Melanie asked.

"I got her tickets to the next Alkaline Trio in Minneapolis, and bought her _Goddamnit!, Maybe I'll Catch Fire, From Here To Infirmary_, and _Good Mourning_." Justin said, holding up all of the merchandise.

"Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit. You actually bought me all of this? And I only got you _Veronica Mars_!" I said, taking it from him, starting to feel a little guilty.

"Liz, you bought us all things scouring through time, trying to remember things that we _all_ like, not just one person. I used what you said five minutes before and only had a computer, a printer, and a bank account. I really didn't do much of anything." Justin replied. "Your gifts were more creative."

"Oh, I need some waffles." I said, dropping my head on the table.

"I'll pay for it. My Christmas miracle present to all of you guys. So I don't have to buy anything later on." Tony said, calling a waitress over.

"Damn your awesomeness." I said softly, and I heard Justin chuckle next to me.


	23. Chapter 23

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**"LG. Fuad" In Relation To "Back To The Beat"**

Justin's POV

Sometimes I just can't handle it. I can't. I say I can stop whenever I want, but even I know how untrue that is. There are some things I'll never be able to beat, or currently, I'll never be able to beat.

Why I'm in this constant depression and losing confidence in myself is probably resulting in me smoking this...I can't even fucking remember what the hell it's called anymore. Now _that's_ resulting from the vodka I'm drinking outside of the bus.

I laugh quietly at my own stupidity, in hopes that no one'll wake up. Hell, that'd be a fucking nightmare. And for right now, I really just can't deal with Liz's disapointment at the moment.

"AKA: anger for losers." I whispered softly, and looked up at the stars. You can't really see any at the moment, because we're sort of in the city. But I can still see a few. "Well, you win. Are you fucking happy, Ashley?"

Oh, another tale for another day. Let's just say that it is the basis of Bomb Pops, a song I wrote a long, long time ago. 2000, was it? I sounded a _lotttt _different than I do now, but I was probably drunk at the time anyway.

I did a lot of crazy shit in the beginning of the millenium. We were going through a zillion people in our band, until we finally found those other guys.

_I bet you can't name them_, I challenged myself.

"Matt, erm...Josh, Josh, right, um...something involving a T...Ted? No, no, I don't know anyone named 'Ted'. So...TONY! Tony! Right." I looked around, realizing that I must've shouted, because some dude was shaking his head at me. Nobody I recognized, I don't think. Nope.

I decided to give up, because I didn't remember what the hell I was doing in the first place.

_"It was an isolated incident. Back in 1984. On a plane headed south to west Texas; I held my wings next to the frozen window." _I sang, remembering the long time forgotten "_The Here Away_".

_"Then a lady sat down right beside me_

_With big black glasses and long brown hair_

_She told me she was from West Virginia_

_She bought me a soda and held my hand_

_And she turned on the radio_

_And we were laughing out loud_

_And that's exactly who were are_

_It's who we are_

_Miss West Virginia, please tell me Texas is not that far_

_"Miss Virginia was a teacher of science_

_She said I looked nervous, so I explained_

_It's the shuttle I saw on the TV_

_She told me that shuttles and planes aren't the same_

_"And she turned on the radio_

_And we were laughing out loud_

_And that's exactly who were are_

_It's who we are_

_Miss West Virginia, please tell me Texas is not that far_

_And she turned on the radio_

_And we were laughing out loud_

_And that's exactly who we are_

_It's who we are."_

_"The Here Away"_ was on our 2000 EP, only five songs, but three years later, we got ourselves together and got a full-length album going. Because of "_Here Away_", I started to think of all my old songs. I went through a lot of the early EPs and finally got to _"Back To The Beat", _the final track on our (who would've thought) _Back To The Beat _EP.

_When I was younger,_

_I fell in love with the girl next door_

_Back to the beat_

_Yo back to the beat of 1984_

_We had "Beat Street"_

_We had "Breakin'" 1 and 2:_

_Electric Boogaloo,_

_Dude, it was cool_

_We'd bust out the cardboard in the backstreet_

_By the drugstore just me and you afterschool_

_You said I did the worm better than anyone that you knew_

_Breakin' with you was the best time of my life_

_I wanna breakdance_

_Yeah, I wanna get down with you._

"'Breakin' is the shit." I said, taking a swig of vodka and inhaling. All the while, I have asthma. God's way of telling you to never be involved in sports or anything that involves breathing.

I heard something on the bus move. Because I'm high off my ass, as well as drunk off my ass, and yes, I've never said those things before and I hope I never will again. Such a condtradicting pair can sometimes work in dysfunctional harmony. I pull myself up, holding onto the side of the bus, because otherwise, I would collapse on the pavement.

_Now...what to do with the evidence..._ I took a last swig from the bottle and put it into the bus compartment. The weed was already done with, as I had smoked it all, so I put it out under my feet. I stumbled back onto the bus and slipped as carefully as a drunk is able, and wrapped my arms around Lizzy. Sleeping soundly. She stirred, but didn't wake up, thankfully.

I know I shouldn't be doing any of it. I'm screwing my chances with her. I mean, there's only so many times someone'll forgive you. I know; this situation is quite familiar to me. I have absolutely no reason to be doing this. Things are great. Why ever would I need to do any of these right now? Dependancy likes to screw with my mind. And unfortunately, will has never been my strong point.

But Liz is...different. Amazing. And she surprises me every day. How the hell did she not absolutely go out of her mind on me when she found me in the hospital? Taking everything into consideration, I would've left me there. First, I would've screamed at me loudly, but then I'd leave. But then again, I never finish anything I start, especially relationships with myself.

I think I can overcome this and beat everything in the end, but for now, I choose to abuse for the time being. Eventually, I'll do something about it. And I should, but we haven't gotten to eventually. And until then, I'll waste my time with her. Maybe I'll win, but for now, I've postponed the fight for another day.

Goodnight and goddamnit.


	24. Chapter 24

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**It Was All A Blur**

((Lots of crazy time lapsing in this chapter. The dash lines are time lapses, alright? Just so you know and so you won't be super confused.))

Justin's POV

Wow, my life's been like a time lapse lately. It's just going by like that. And strangely enough, I've been fine. Nothing bad, not losing control, just...nothing, really. It's something I don't think I've had in a long time. Where everything goes okay and nothing really seriously bad happens somewhere in between. Is this fact a serious problem or should I just enjoy it?

I draw pictures in the margins of the lyrics of another song. Ooh, a bird. But the bird needs a home...let's draw a pretty little tree. But then again, birds don't really have homes, but you know, just to fit my own personal technicalities.

I sound like the guy from "_The Joy of Painting_". All I need is to grow my hair out a little bit and see if it'll change into an afro, grow a beard (pfft, easy), and there I am. Call me Bob Ross.

_"Tell me that you're alright. Yeah, everything is alright. Oh, please tell me that you're alright. Yeah, everything is alright." _I sang softly, just to see what it sounded like.

I'd written a few songs when we were planning on making an album, but then Kate happened, so that fucked up our schedule. And because of all of that, we just decided that we didn't want to rush into it and everything. But, because this damn song is in my head, I have no choice but to write it down to please my personal OCD monster.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Liz walked over to get something from her bag that was leaning against the side of my bunk. Probably another book. It's amazing how many books she can read through when she wants to. She looked up and saw my paper, covered with drawings, words, and a lot of words crossed out. "That looks cool. I like the drawings in the margins." she smirked.

"Little do you know, my alter ego is a professional artist, only known by the initials NE..." I said ominously. "But anyway, this was bugging me, so here it is." I handed it to her. She sat down on her knees and read it.

"Do you even have an oven to clean? And even so, I don't remember anything to eat at your apartment that would involve an oven." Liz questioned, but they weren't really posed at me. After a few minutes, she handed it back to me and smiled. "It's really good. Hopefully to be a catchy, awesome song, or that's at least what it seemed to be to me."

"Huh." was all I could really come up with to reply, making it the most explanatory word in the universe.

"Wake up, sleepy head." Liz said, combing through my hair. Her soothing voice made me want to go back to sleep, but I woke up anyway. My eyes opened, allowing the searing light burn my eyes. I screamed in pain that really wasn't as bad as it sounded. Liz just laughed and kissed me. "Come on, Justin. You've got places to be."

She threw me a long-sleeved shirt, t-shirt, and some jeans. Liz knew me well. Where exactly I have to be right now, I have absolutely no idea. Hrm. The guys aren't on the bus, I noticed, while I quickly put on my jeans. Neither was Melanie. And where the hell did Liz go? I walked outside and realized that we'd moved once again to another place in the lovely United States. Somewhat unfamiliar to me, but it seemed nice enough.

"Glad to see that you're aren't dead." Mel said. I turned to see Liz and her standing by the bus.

"Where are we?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Welcome to Charlotte, North Carolina. You get to play at the Tremont Hall right about...oh yeah, now!" Melanie said, shoving me towards a large building that was about three or feet from me. Shit, she has upper body strength.

"The guys are waiting! Don't worry; it'll be fine!" Liz shouted before I walked out. As she said, the guys were doing things to their instruments. Josh walked towards me when I walked inside.

"Jesus, I'm happy that you got yourself together in time. Here's the setlist; try to get the lyrics right. Fridge has plenty of water bottles for you to drink down in five seconds. We've got a few minutes."

_So get yourself straight before you embarrass yourself, capiche? _I mentally ended Josh's statement. I knew what his tone meant, and I knew I really did need to get myself together.

I'd woken up and walked out of the van inside, but I really didn't know whether it was night or day or anything. I'd hurt my eyes when I'd woken up, but that can happen if you're in a room with lights on. Day or night has nothing to do with it. I'll figure it out later, I guess.

_I'm on fire, and now I think I'm ready to bust a move. Check it out, I'm rocking-_

_Long-winded Cambridge meditative care-_

_Shiver away, after the years past us by-_

_I like the universe, but she messes with my words..._

Wait, what was that? Something new, maybe? I'd written assorted tidbits and etcetera for the new album more and more. It was getting a bit irritating lately, trying to remember my first album songs. This sounded sort of dreamy and weird, though. Huh…

_I'm not talking planets or galaxies, and the distance just makes it worse._

Why am I thinking about planets and galaxies? It still sounds cool, though.

_I know what you're thinking, this probably sounds rehearsed._

"Come on, Justin!" Josh said, jerking me out of my strange song, and I followed him out the door.

"Okay, where are we going to now?" I asked, getting on the bus once again.

"Our last and final stop is the Big Apple." Matt said.

But Liz must've seen my sad look from the corner of the bus that was pretending to be a kitchen. Otherwise, she wouldn't have said this. "Hey, we get to do Jimmy Kimmel live. That's something, right? And we get a nice after party and everything. It's not so bad." She walked over with a plate of sandwiches, all different kinds. Motherfuck, she's too awesome.

It's not that I'm not happy about doing all of this. It's just that I don't really want this to end. When you're on tour, reality seems to twist and swirl and become things that really couldn't happen in real life. And if my theory is so, then what will become of Liz and me? Will she leave? She only said she'd stay at the apartment "only for a little while".

"Goddamnit, Liz! I want your cooking skills! This is fucking fantastic!" Josh said, biting into a turkey sandwich.

"What do you do to these things? These are like mutant awesome fantastic sandwiches. You have to do something to them. Lemme guess, these are all radioactive." Matt said, looking over the sandwich for nuclear waste.

"It wouldn't taste that good if they were radioactive. I know, I've done that before. But let's not get into all the weird foods I've eaten." Liz replied, taking a gigantic bite out of her PB&J. Within minutes, the sandwich was gone.

"And so the story goes, as only Betty knows, it's time we take control…" Liz sang softly, putting in her headphones and writing numbers in a Sudoku puzzle on the couch.

"Their latest album is coming soon, here they are with their new song, 'Everything Is Alright', Motion City Soundtrack!" Jimmy Kimmel said before walking off the stage.

_Tell me that you're alright_

_Yeah, everything is alright_

_Oh please tell me that you're alright_

_Yeah, everything is alright_

_Give me a reason_

_To end this discussion_

_To break the tradition_

_To form a divide_

'_Cause I hate the ocean,_

_Theme parks and airplanes,_

_Talking with strangers,_

_Waiting in line_

_I'm through with these pills that make me sit still_

_Are you feeling fine?_

_Yes, I feel just fine_

_Tell me that you're alright_

_Yeah, everything is alright_

_Oh please tell me that you're alright_

_Yeah, everything is alright_

_Just think of the things I do when I'm nervous_

_Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires_

_Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling_

_Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!_

_I used to rely on tough medication_

_I guess I still do that from time to time_

_But I'm getting better at fighting the future_

_Someday, you'll be fine_

_Yes, I'll be just fine_

_Tell me that you're alright_

_Yeah, everything is alright_

_Oh please tell me that you're alright_

_Yeah everything is alright_

Josh went about his guitar solo thing that he has begun to love as much as I expected him to. I just like doing the "noo-noo-noo-noo" thing. What? It sounds cool.

I brushed my hair out of my eyes. Which now has blond highlights in it. I know; like my hair wasn't strange enough. Liz suggested it or Melanie or somebody did and so I went. They were originally gray, but after washing it out a bit, it turned electric blondish. Like platinum blond, I guess would be what you'd call it. This would be cool five years ago, but I'm bringing it back.

_Give me a reason_

_(I don't believe a word)_

_To end this discussion_

_(Anything I've heard)_

_To break the tradition_

_(Tell me that it's not so hard)_

_To form a divide_

_(It's not so hard)_

_Let's not get carried_

_Away with the process_

_A reremotion_

_(The long goodbye)_

_I don't wanna waste your time_

_Tell me that you're alright_

_Yeah, everything is alright_

_Oh please tell me that you're alright_

_Yeah, everything is alright_

_Alright_

_(Tell me that you're alright)_

_Hi, everything's great_

_(Yeah everything is alright)_

_Everything's fine_

_(Tell me that you're alright)_

_Everything's great_

_(Yeah everything is alright)_

_Everything's fine_

_Everything's fine_

_Everything's fine_

_Everything's fine_

"Three cheers for kicking ass on Jimmy Kimmel!" I said, as we all drank our glasses. And yes, this was my idea, but not just for my benefit. Who says I'm the only one who gets to get drunk? See, I'm generous.

"Your hair is stranger than before. I didn't even think that was possible." Melanie said, staring at my hair with a weird, drunk, trademark Melanie look. She has her own set of looks that I can't quite describe yet. "It's like you got electrocuted…"

"Weird…" Tony said simply.

"Agh! Major headache." Liz said, rubbing her temples. "If I get any drunker, I'm going to pass out. I'm gonna head back to the bus, alright?" she slurred, swaying back and forth as she headed for the door.

"She's going to kill herself on the way there." Melanie said, helping her get home. And Matt followed, of course, because he's just that nice and awesome and…um, awesome. So…yeah.

"I'm gonna throw up." Jesse said before running off to the bathroom.

"Thanks for the head's up." I slurred, taking another sip of my foamy beer. Mmmm. Foam.

Tony was staring at some other chick. She looked pretty slutty, but she waved at Tony for whatever reason. He'd been buying her drinks for the past thirty minutes, but hadn't had the balls to talk to her. I'd be his wingman, but I'd say something weird and wrong. Josh is more of that kind of dude.

"Jesus Christ, just talk to the bitch!" I said exasperatedly. Hopefully she didn't hear me over whatever shitty band was playing. They were doing covers of vaguely recent stuff, like "Here It Goes Again" and "The Middle". But the lead singer just sucked, so it was hard to like them. I looked at her again. Nope. She didn't hear me.

"I got this." Josh said, standing up, Tony following. Yay Wingman Josh.

"Justin? Is that you?" An all-too-familiar voice said from the left of me.

"Kate? Wow, what are you doing here?" I said, confused why Kate, the crazy ex-girlfriend, wasn't screaming at me, let alone talking to me.

"I'm on a business trip. Some conference about merging the company and everything. My boss couldn't go, so he told me to go instead. And here I am, living in up in New York City." Kate explained.

It took me a second to process that Kate actually had a job. Most people I know don't have "real" jobs. Oh, so that's one of the reasons I dated her. Monthly income was always the same and always enough. She worked for a computer software company that I can't really remember the name of. Symatec, I think? It's pretty huge; they've got a lot of people.

"So what have you been doing?" Kate said, taking a sip of her cocktail.

"Well, I was just on Jimmy Kimmel a few hours ago." She lit up. Was that supposed to be good or bad?

"That's great! I'm happy things are good with you. I hope there's no hard feelings between you and me." Kate said in a normal voice. Really, swear to God, totally nothing I could detect through my veil of tipsy.

"Nah, nah. It's fine. I'm happy that you're fine, too." I said, cracking a smile.

Okay, this is fucking insane. I _haaaaaaaaate_ her. With a passion. But I'm smiling. Things don't add up. 2 plus 2 is equaling 97, it is snowing in July. Logic obviously doesn't work in "Oh my God, it's Kate" world. I need to be saved from whatever this is. I need a second to comprehend what is going on.

Wait.

Why am I laughing?

Why are _we_ laughing?

Where am I going with her?

Why am I making out with her?

Why are things leading to another?

What time is it?

Oh, shit.


	25. Chapter 25

It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...

Lying Is Rather Tasty

Justin's POV

The smell of pancakes drew me into consciousness. I quickly looked around and grasped my surroundings. I'm on the bus. I'm on the bus? Was all of it a dream or something? Did it really happen...Wait, what happened to my t-shirt? Oh, shit. Must I always find the truth to my lies? They say if you believe the lie, it soon becomes true. If only that worked on me...

So, according to my logic, contradictions, hangover, and assumptions, I hightailed it out of whatever miscellanious hotel/motel/apartment that Kate was staying at and snuck inside. My bumbling, drunk self did not wake her OR I gave her some belieivable explanation (God, I hope that's not the real answer) and I fell asleep here, without any worries from her.

So I'm in the clear. For now.

But that's always the case, isn't it? Let's just hope I'm a good actor...

I got up and stretched myself out a bit. I'm still wearing my jeans from yesterday, but again, no shirt. I pulled something out of my suitcase-y thing. Aha, "Just Assume That I Know Kung-Fu". Good times, good times. I put it on quick and walked over to Liz and hugged her from behind. She was doing something with the pancakes. She laughed when I lifted her up and turned her around.

"You seem happy this morning. Are you unaffected by hangovers?" she said, kissing me. She always seemed to smell like coffee and Pop-Tarts. If there was some sort of permume in stores I could know about, I would smell it all day.

"I'm just good at looking cool, especially when I'm not." I replied, putting her down. "Your pancakes awoke me from my slumber. They better be as good as I think they are, or I could be quite cranky all day." I joked, walking out to where the couch.

"Oh, oh, you want to see me narrate Melanie waking up in the morning?" she said, walking from the stove thing. "You're always asleep when I do. You wanna watch? It's funny as shit." She vaguely reminded me of Melanie for a moment, but in a Liz kind of way.

"Alright, then."

"Melanie was gingerly jerked out of dreamy state, as her best friend, Liz, was commentating her awakening. It was usual, yes, but every single day, she would hope for Liz let her guard down. In that single moment, she swore that she would strangle her to death. But alas, she wouldn't move! Another attempt for Liz to leave her alone, but they both knew that Liz would persist until she won." Liz said, sounding a lot like a narrator.

I was laughing on the inside. Melanie and Liz really did this every morning? Damn, I have to learn to wake up earlier in the morning.

"And yet, she still held her ground. Liz went for the covers to find..."

"That Melanie was not in her usual place on the couch, but in the back of the bus." Mel said.

"Oh. My. God." I said, my smile getting bigger with every step closer to the back of the bus. "I fucking knew it. Matt, you son of a bitch. I've been trying to catch you guys for months now."

"Liz was exploding with final confirmation that Melanie and Matt really would end up together, but quickly rushed back to her pancakes before they burned to a crisp and burned the bus down."

And off she went. Saving us from pancakes of mass destruction, which just so happen to be the tastiest kind. Yay for pancakes of mass destruction!


	26. Chapter 26

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**From The Sounds That Disappear, From The Changes We Begin To Fear**

Liz's POV (Well, FINALLY!)

God, it's good to be in good ol' Minnesota. Yes, the other forty seven states are all very nice, but Minnesota is just too…cold to abandon. And yes, that is a shitty reason for me to never leave home, or at least always come back to it, but it's my reason and I shall stick with it.

"Who would've thought? It's snowing." I said absent-mindedly out the window of the bus as the "Welcome To Mahtomedi" sign seemed to jump out at me in comparison to all the white and the cold. Oh, I love you, Mahtomedi. You are just the same as I left you.

"Its winter, isn't it?" Justin said, sitting on his knees backward on the couch with me. We probably look like twelve year olds, but I don't really care. It reminds me of all the trips I had with my parents before they both disappeared off the map. I was always so excited to get back home. Florida has Mickey Mouse, but Minnesota's got snow, rain, and lakes.

Justin turned and grinned at me, so I smiled back. He turned back to the window and looked out with me once again. Things seemed a bit off, I don't really get why. He seems…different. I mean, he's still all quirky and weird and everything, but something was different. I can't really put a name on it.

But then again, it's probably me just trying to find something wrong with everything.

This entire adventure of us coming back always made me wonder what would happen next, what would happen after this entire thing was over. Would things change? Would we all just drift apart once again, pretending that the other didn't exist in the first place? I mean, besides the guys. Of course, they have a whole band thing to do. I mean me and Mel drifting from the guys. We could just be some unimportant girls that they met a few months ago, which is essentially what we are in the first place. But what about Mel and Matt, all of my hopes for them? I guess I'll find out soon enough.

The bus finally stopped at the same parking lot where we'd first gotten on. We'd already said goodbye to Green Day and All-American Rejects earlier. They instead got on planes and went back to wherever they came from. The buses are then all supposed to go to their base where they shall become AutoBots and save the universe from the Decepticons. That sounds like a good adventure to me. Those buses have a cool life ahead of them.

"Mahtomedi ho!" I shouted, standing up and walking off the bus. The rest followed. "Now, who wants to help get shit out of the bus compartment?' No enthusiasm, until…

"I'll help you, Lizzy." Justin ran down the steps. He quickly opened the bus compartment and started putting things on the concrete.

"Yay, lackie." Melanie mumbled, getting off the bus. She was cranky, and no one wants to hang with Mel cranky. Even Ihate it when she's cranky, and I'm her best friend. It seemed to become apparent after my 30-day rehab with her. I've forced myself to become a morning person because of her; otherwise I would have murdered her on day fourteen.

So, we got everything out of the bus and sent it on its journey through time and space. Tony, Jesse, and Matt drove together, but Matt stayed behind because of my lovely remark. "Your bass should be at Mel's apartment by now, Matt." And so they rode together. That checks off my hopes for Matt and Mel. Josh high-fived Justin and quickly said "See ya later." Within a matter of minutes, he was gone.

"Josh be maaaaaagicccc…." I said aloud, my thoughts becoming apparent. Justin laughed and we put our stuff into his Odyssey, since we shared the apartment. Holy shit, the apartment. "Oh my God. How long have we been out of town?"

"Six or so months…" he said uneasily.

"Oh shit! We're probably evicted from the apartment! Shit, shit, shit!" I said, banging my head against the passenger door.

"Liz, relax. Don't you think I sometimes think ahead?" he said, grabbing my head and turning me toward him. "My or our, if you are planning to stay at the apartment longer, landlord is Jimmy. I have known Jimmy since the third grade. He wouldn't evict me without me knowing. And besides that, I already gave him the rent for at least six months. And if I hadn't, he would've called me and I would've wired some cash to his bank account or something, though I don't remember how to do it at the moment…."

"So you payed the rent?"

"Yes."

"For six or so months."

"Yes."

"Well, now I've broken the arrangement."

Justin gave me a confused look. I sighed and explained. "I specifically said when I first moved in that I'd pay half of the rent. But now you went on and payed in full, for at least six months. I've gotta figure a way to pay you back." I said finally.

But of course, because Justin is the awesomest, he went on and on about how he's perfectly fine with doing it, and that it was all his idea to take me in the first place, and that I wouldn't have to do something like that and blah blah blah. So we argued about it on the drive home, and I tried to remember every "Help Wanted" sign that we passed by.

"I will just pay the rent for six months and be done with it. Okay?" I said, after we got out of the car. Justin shook his head, but I simply went with believing that it was a yes, thus making this the first argument I've ever had with him.

Ah. Home sweet home.


	27. Chapter 27

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**The Lessons I Never Learned**

Liz's POV

"Justin?" I said from our room. "Can you tell me if this looks alright on me?" I was wearing one of the four outfits for four different stores/restaurants, this one specifically for Chili's. I didn't think it looked that bad, but you never know. He came inside with a surprised look.

Oh, not in that way. Perverts.

And not in that way either. I'm not _that_ obese. I think I'm an average weight for myself. I can still see my feet.

What I really mean is Justin looked at me with a sad look. A sad look that he was trying very hard to hide by heavily disguising it with stubbornness. He is resistant to change, as am I, and me looking any different throws him off. To relate to you normal people, the way your mother/father/sex-offender-stepfather looks at you when you're moving out or going to college. They're happy for you, but wished that it didn't have to be this way. Especially if you're the stepfather.

"I think you look fine." Justin said, standing at the doorway. "At least from over here, you don't have anything wrong with you." I could tell there was a bit of a tone in his voice. I sighed. You see, because I'll be at different jobs for different shifts all day, Justin will be home, all by himself. It makes me feel bad, but I feel even worse in the fact that I'm an unemployed person with no future.

I walked over and hugged him. "I won't be gone that long, will I?" He moaned. "It won't be that bad. I'll come here for lunch, okay? I promise."

After some mumbling, he finally nodded his head and said okay. It was like convincing a six-year-old to see it your way. I kissed him on the cheek and split my Pop-Tart in half, handing the half to him. "Gotta go. Love you!" I shouted before hurrying off to my first job out of five. I could faintly hear Justin yell back "love you too", but I couldn't be sure. My first "I love you" and I don't even know what he said back.

God, this is going to be a long goddamn day.

(Time Lapse, like a few months. Use your imagination.)

Justin's POV

_"One of these days…_

_(One of these days…)_

_It's gonna catch up to you._

_Throwin' looks like those around_

_And one of these nights…_

_(One of these nights…)_

_I promise to you_

_I'll soon be sleeping sound as soon as I leave town."_

I sang _"All On Black" _by Alkaline Trio loudly at the _Today_ show on mute. Like Jimmy will care. I'm tired of Meredith, and it's only been a day or so. She's a more annoying, bitchier Katie Couric. I miss her. She's grown on me over the few months I've watched. Why the hell would they _ever_ replace Katie Couric? She was awesome, but now I have the host to _"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" _talking to me about cheap trendy tips on looking sexy.

This entire deal with Liz being employed has….I guess I'm dealing with it. If "dealing with it" means me drinking again.

Okay, I _did_ quit. That's what I mean about the "again" part. For a while, like seriously. Swear to God. But relapses are much more comforting than withdrawal. Especially when I'm sitting here alone dealing with the symptoms by myself, because I don't want to worry Liz. It's difficult covering things up that no one can ever know. Ugh, chalk that up to the list, right?

I mean...drinking fills the lonely hours being stuck in this same apartment. I'm not doing anything I wasn't doing yesterday, which isn't exactly great anyway. With the new album out of the way and getting itself together, I have nothing important to do. So why not drink until I wake up a few hours later, passed out on the floor?

Exactly.

The only thing that pisses me off is getting myself and everything else together before Liz comes home. Of course, another thing I think about repeatedly besides the constant replaying of December in my head. The constant fear of her leaving me has expanded itself in too many scenarios to count. To avoid this, I shall put it off until she figures it out for herself. Ha, aren't I a genius?

I don't have a better option, so fuck the rest and abandon all the changes of everyone around me.

"Here's to you, Katie Couric." I said to the television, taking another swig of the bottle of Chardonnay I've been drinking. Relax. It's not like I'm drinking scotch or anything. Only when I've stop giving a fuck would I be binge drinking with scotch and assorted other strong alcoholic liquids. And anyway, it was on sale. Shit, that's the lamest thing you could ever say while binge drinking. What am I, homeless?

_These are the things I think about_

_When I'm alone without you_

_I wonder of your whereabouts_

_And hope like hell, you're happy where you are_


	28. Chapter 28

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**Wake Me When You Learn To Be Cool**

Liz's POV

"Justin? Are you there?" I yelled for the third time, a little louder for him to hear me. Radiohead was blaring from the door. I was holding a bag of groceries that was slowly slipping out of my hands. I sighed, carefully putting it down. It's probably just because of the loud noise, but I couldn't help but wonder why I was freaking out mentally. I pulled my keys out of my pocket, and unlocked the door.

"Justin?" I put the groceries down on the table. I was going to make dinner for the two of us. It _was_ Valentine's Day, after all. I didn't mean to have to work today, but people have been dropping like flies at TGIF's, and I'm not going to be the one to get shot down. I might be working in a restaurant, but I'm going to do the best I can. Even if the reason I did it in the first place truly doesn't matter that much anymore.

Maybe it's me filling the void of being an unsuccessful loser, but that's just me being negative.

I looked around the living room. Open bottles, empty bottles...Oh God, no.

I ran through the apartment, looking for Justin. I found him, passed out on the floor in our bedroom. I crouched down on the floor to hold him and tried to wake him up. He still had a pulse and he was breathing, so my mental "Oh my fucking God!" state was cooled slightly.

"Justin, Justin!" After a few seconds or so, he moved a little. He groaned and opened his eyes sleepily. "Oh, thank God." I said, hugging him tightly.

"Liz?" Justin said, slowly realizing where he was. "Oh shit, I'm sorry." It was forced, and I know he probably didn't mean it. But it seems as though I ignore all of the circumstances, as long as everyone's all right. "I really-I-um, I didn't-uh." he stammered. There really isn't anything to say.

I finally let go of him and helped him to his feet. We both sat on the bed, and I knew that whatever he was about to say couldn't possibly be good. "Liz, I need to tell you something." He sighed, and out it came. Every single detail that I didn't want to hear. How he'd been drinking behind my back, behind all of our backs. And the fact that he'd been drinking a lot more than he usually had been lately. But the worst of all: what happened at the bar and the reason he was acting so weird lately.

"I didn't mean it, I really didn't." Justin said, trying to calm me down. I was crying hard, and I wasn't even sure why. He tried to wipe my tears off my face, but I slapped him before he could. I got up and walked out of the apartment, not sure where I was going.

Justin's POV

Why did I tell her? Why did I tell her? I don't fucking know! I just ruined one of the few things that actually worked out for me. I walked into the living room-slash-kitchen and saw a brown grocery bag. We were going to have dinner together. Was it really Valentines Day? She was going to make it from scratch…I looked further into the bag and I noticed a present with a card attached. It was those romantic ones with the poems in fancy handwriting and things.

_Love you lots,_

_-Lizzy :D_

She bought me "Annie Hall" and "Manhattan", two of my favorite Woody Allen movies. We were probably going to watch them tonight. Before I spilled my guts up on the floor and told her. Jesus Christ, I wish I could go back and time and stop myself from telling her. Oh, who am I kidding? The end was coming; it was inevitable. I could've told her or she could've found out on her own. Either way, she's going to hate me.

But she might forgive me. She might forgive me and everything can go back to normal. Everything will be fine, everything's fine…The mantra goes on and on in my head until I fell asleep on the couch, telling myself that she'll come back again. She's going to come back again, right?


	29. Chapter 29

**It's Hard To Believe That You're A Part Of Me...**

**Hold Me Down**

((Things in normal paragraph form = Justin

_Things in italics in normal paragraph form = Liz_

_Lyrics = Song_

_"Lyrics with quotation marks = Things that Justin said that are in the song"_))

I found a letter that said _"I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down."_ You'd think I oughta be used to this by now.

_"Save for a few of those late night episodes_

_Missed opprotunities and I-don't-cares_

_There's not a lot that I feel obliged to share_

_Or talk about."_

_I miss you more than anything, but I can't say yes to you right now. All of the memories will come running back to me and I honestly don't want to be a part of it. Not right now. I don't want to make you suffer through anything that you shouldn't have to, but I just can't deal with this right now._

_I'll tell my brother to stop by this Saturday_

_To pick up my things_

_Just make sure you're not there_

_This may sound bad and don't take it the wrong way_

_This isn't meant to be as hard as it sounds. I'm trying to supress all the difficulties between us. Seeing you and you seeing me wouldn't exactly help either of us move on. I don't want my brother to get in a fight with you and I don't want you to get in a fight with him. It'd be a lot better if you weren't there. I'm probably going to say "sorry" a million times, but when you look at it from a bystanders perspective, we're both better off this way._

_I love you, however..._

_Yes, I do love you, no matter what you decide to think. Maybe if you actually listened to me once, you might have noticed. I don't want to see us go, but thinking of you just reminds me of everything you've done. If only I hadn't learned what you did and what you've kept from me. Everything would be fine, like it was before. Back when things were fine. Back when I didn't even dream about fighting with you._

_You hold me down_

_You hold me down_

_You hold me down_

_You hold me down_

_I can't get out of this vicious cycle sitting here, listening to all the reasons that you've done me wrong and all the "I can explain"'s. If I'm ever going to be anything besides what I am right now, I have to get out of this relationship._

_"You're the emphasis of my everything_

_You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night_

_You're the laziness of the afternoon_

_You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom."_

_How will I break the news to you?_

_As I'm sitting here, writing this down, I can't help to think that this is all wrong. What I'm doing is contrary to what I should be doing. That what I'm doing is harsh. But, as I said earlier, I don't mean to be harsh. I just want to tell you how I feel about the situation, because if I don't, then you'll never get what happened between you and me._

_Cancel our dinner with Max and Coraline_

_Feed Jackie's gerbil and try to stay clean_

_We'll talk it over after I've had some time_

_Alone to sort it out_

_Please tell Max and Coraline we can't make it. Don't make it sound like something's wrong. The last thing I want is Coraline commenting on our relationship. And it would be really nice of you if you could take care of Jackie's gerbil until Saturday. Please try to stay clean. I know that I should be taking care of all of this, but I really just need some time. I promise after this, we'll talk about everything._

_Love,_

_Lizzy_

"Then why did you stay? Why did you stay if you couldn't deal with it? Why can't you deal with me?" I asked to no one, looking at the paper. Liz was long gone. I've searched the whole damn apartment, from ceiling to carpet. No sign of the things she used to own, except for a few paintings and nick-nacks that I feel like destorying, but feeling that doing so would destroy the Liz I used to know.

Nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

But how will I cope with it?

How will I cope without her?

_"You're the leaky sink of sentiment_

_You're the failed attempts I never could forget_

_You're the metephors I can't create_

_To comprehend this curse that I call love."_

_How will I break the news to you?_

_How will I break the news to you?_

_You have one new messages._

"Hey, Mel. It's me. Listen, I really can't explain right now. I'm leaving. Justin, Mahtomedi, Minnesota, all of it. I can't tell you where I'm going right now, because I don't even know for myself. You know, I'm sort of glad you didn't answer the phone, because you might actually put some sense into me. I just need some time, okay? Everything will be fine. I don't mean to abandon any of you, but it's what I need to do right now.I wish I could explain. I'll call you tomorrow, and you can talk to me about this, okay? Bye."


End file.
